He couldn’t help that sweet ache that was settling in his chest as he was watching them from the doorway. Mac looked so at home next to Jen and Mattie, happily stuffing popcorn into her mouth. A perfect family, unconventional, but perfect. His family. He just had to make sure that Mac would realize just how important her role in his family was. And in time, he would make her his wife, mother of his children and, most importantly, he would make her see that this was the only way to be happy, truly happy. Not necessarily in that order.

After the funeral, Harm was sitting on his couch, alone. At her request, Harm had let Mattie stay at her friend’s house. For someone who claimed not to be able to deal with grief, Mattie was doing a very good job comforting her friend. She was just there for her and ready to listen. At times like these Harm realized that Mattie was a lot more grown up than she should be.

His mind wandering, Harm remembered their rather unusual conversation that resulted in a confession he had never made before. How did she do it? How did his little girl manage what no one else had in the past seven years? He had tried to guide the conversation to safer topics but Mattie would have none of it.

Yes, he loved Mac. He had for a very long time, but never once had he said it out loud – until now. “I love her,” he whispered, then said it again, louder. It felt good, very good. Maybe he could try it slightly differently as well. “I love you, Mac,” he whispered. No, that felt wrong, it sounded wrong. “I love you, Sarah.” Better. Much better. “I am in love with you, Mac.” Yes, that might work.

Work, he wondered. Work? What exactly was he doing? It was not like he would tell Mac, would he? He did tell Mattie that they were working on their relationship. But were they really? Sarah MacKenzie and he were barely on speaking terms anymore. Granted, things had slightly improved to this point but they were still far away from what they used to be.

He tried to blame Webb for the change. Why would she start something with that spook? Why did she say ‘never’ in the first place? And why did she never thank him for rescuing her? In a way, he was still in shock over everything that had happened the summer before. Shaking his head, he got up and started pacing the room.

He knew it wasn’t all her fault. He was to blame, too. What had he thought? That she would fall into his arms and confess her endless love to him? Yeah, sure. He should have told her then, back then when it hadn’t yet been too late. What was he to do now? Tell her? “Hey Mac, do you have a minute? Look, I know we haven’t exactly been on speaking terms lately and you are with Webb, but nevertheless I thought it might be nice for you to know that I am still here and that I love you.” He snorted. Yeah sure, that would sit well with Mac. She’d probably kick him into the next century.

Why did he even want to get it out all of a sudden? What was so wrong about keeping it quiet for a few more years? It was simple, really, he told himself, very simple, the date mattered a lot. It was May… only a few days till AJ’s birthday. And a significant birthday it was. The big five. The day their deal would become null and void if he didn’t show his intentions anytime soon.

Yes, he would show them one way or another. There was no way he would give this opportunity of a life with Mac away. No way. He slumped back down on the couch. But how would he do it? Maybe he should ask Mattie about it, maybe he could make her tell Mac. Oh, great. A real proof of a man’s courage. That way Mac would have to kick him into the century after the next one. Not a good idea.

He didn’t realize he had picked up the phone and dialed “1″ on his speed- dial until her voice until her voice made him jump. “Harm?” When he didn’t find the words at once, Mac went on. “Is everything alright, Harm? Is it Mattie? Harm, talk to me?”

“Hi Mac,” Harm finally managed, “do you have a minute?”

“Harm, you scared me!” Mac scolded. “Is everything allright?”

“Mattie is fine and I am, too, in a way.”

“Talk to me, flyboy. Something is bothering you and don’t try to deny it.”

“Something is, actually. Mattie and I talked the other day about losses and I told her that she had to learn to cope with her mother’s death because otherwise she would end up like me.”

“Like you?”

“Yes, I never really coped with Dad’s death and as a result I never let anyone close. I told her as much.”

“Harm, you let Mattie in your life…” Mac began.

“She told me the same.” He smiled.

“…And you let me into your life, that must count for something!”

“I told her it was the reason I never let you in, that I managed to ruin any chance at a relationship we ever had, because of my fears,” Harm rambled.

“That’s not true, Harm,” Mac insisted, “You are not the only one to blame, we both managed to blow it several times.”

“She also asked me if I loved you…” Harm began.

“What did you answer?” Mac breathed.

“I desperately tried to find a way out of that situation. But then I answered.”

He couldn’t even hear Mac breathing anymore. Everything was silent on Mac’s end of the phoneline.

He took a deep breath. “Mac, I love you. But you know that, don’t you?”

“I wasn’t sure, Harm, I was hoping you did, but I could never be sure,” Mac whispered.

“I love you, I think I always have. I thought you should know what your choices are. Mac, I want to make good on our deal. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and I am willing to wait for you – as long as it takes.”

“Harm,” Mac began.

“Mac, tell me that I am not too late, tell me I haven’t waited too long.” Shaking his head at himself, he immediately corrected himself. “No, be honest. I can stomach the truth.” At least he hoped he would be able to.

“Harm, I… I need to make a phonecall. Can I come by afterwards?”

“Mac you’re killing me here,” Harm whispered.

“Harm, I have to do this the right way. I need to talk to Clay and explain to him why I am breaking up with him. I don’t want anything between us when I tell you what you want to hear. Can you wait for me?”

“I will wait as long as it takes, Mac, I will wait for you. I love you.”

“You are not making this any easier, flyboy.” Mac’s voice was thick with emotion as she disconnected the call.

The next minutes seemed to drag into hours as he sat simply staring at the door, wishing it to open. Yet, he was afraid, scared to no end about what was to come. What if she didn’t want him after all? What if she came barging through his door, telling him ‘no way’? He tried to gulp down his fears, telling himself that if she was planning to shoot him down, she’d done so over the phone. There was no way she would have waited until she was face to face with him.

The fog slowly cleared and gave way to wonder as he felt her lips on his. How could she have sneaked into his apartment without him ever realizing it? As she drew back, he smiled up at her. “Hi,” he croaked out..

“Hi there, where were you a moment ago? You looked so spaced out,” she teased, cupping his face in her hand.

Turning his head slightly, he kissed her hand before answering. “I was trying not to panic. My mind just kept coming up with all kinds of different things you might want to tell me. Most of them featured you telling me to get out of your life.”

“Harm, listen to me,” Mac prompted, forcing him to look into her eyes. “That will never happen. Never, ever, hear me?”

He took a deep breath. “Yes.”

She bent her head down for a kiss full of tenderness and love, before she said in a low voice, “Harm, I love you, I think I’ve always loved you.”

“You do?” Harm asked, dumbfounded, still trying to grasp it all. How could an innocent conversation with Mattie about the loss of her mother change his life for the better in such a drastic way? He certainly wasn’t complaining, but it was hard to understand. After staring at her for a few minutes, letting his mind wander, he drew her to him, still astonished that she didn’t resist when he placed her into his lap, engulfing her in a strong embrace. “I love you so much and I am not going to let you go again – ever,” he muttered before he kissed her again.

“I was counting on that,” she smiled as they broke apart again. “But how are we going to tell Mattie and the admiral?”

“Mattie will be thrilled, you know? She’s the one who washed my head in the first place,” he answered, “and the admiral should better get used to it. I will resign my comission if necessary, but I am not going to ever let you go again.” With that, he wrapped his hands under her legs and stood up, carrying her to his bedroom best as he could. He knew that his back was going to kill him in the morning, but he couldn’t care less as he carefully laid her on top of the sheets and joined her, the big smile gracing his face matching hers.

“You told him WHAT?” Sarah MacKenzie exclaimed, as she slumped down on the couch, tugging her feet under her legs.

“I told him that he should try agreeing with you. It really throws you off stride, you know that,” Harm grinned, as he rounded the couch and handed him one of the two mugs he was carrying. Sitting down next to her, he enjoyed her look of total astonishment.

“You can’t be serious,” she gasped, sipping a bit of the hot liquid he had brought her. “Hmm, just the way I like my cocoa,” she added.

“I am. And it worked, didn’t it?” Harm answered with a twinkle in his eyes.

She turned slightly to face him and crooked her head to the side. Silently regarding him, she waited for his reaction.

Mirrowing her actions, Harm regarded her for a moment, “What?” he said after a long moment of silence.

“The nerve of you,” Mac chuckled.

“He really didn’t know how to deal with you, Mac. I had to give him something. So I gave him the first two points of my Mac manual.” He leaned back a little, awaiting her attack.

“Mac manual, hmm? You didn’t tell him that we are fighting like cats and dogs all the time, did you?” Mac contered.

“Sturgis is a smart guy, I think he figured it out all by himself by now. It’s not that we are subtle when fighting.” Harm grinned, before taking another sip.

“No kidding,” Mac grinned, cradling the mug tighter in her hands.

“You know, he’s constantly bugging me about us. No matter how often I tell him that you’re my best friend and that I’d go to hell and back for you, he won’t let the topic drop. For a preacher’s son he’s very nosy, too nosy. Where did he get it from?”

“I don’t know, but he started bugging me too. What is it with him, anyway? What gives him the right to overanalyse me and our relationship or lack thereof? He’s known me how long? A few months? What makes him the expert in everything that goes on in my life?” Mac sighed, as she sat her now empty cup aside. “It’s not that I don’t like him, but he’s just so very irritating.”

“You really freaked him out with your visions,” Harm said, trying his best to lead the conversation to safer grounds again.

“I know I did. I think he was ready to send me to an asylum a few times. He just didn’t want to believe me, but you somehow managed to convince him to trust me with it, or at least to go with the flow. It was strange not having you there with me. You would have taken me seriously right from the start. You would have worried and made sure I was alright,” Mac sighed.

“I was worried about you, Mac. I wished I could have been there with you,” he sighed. “I am here now, if it’s worth anything.” He opened his arms for her. That and a pleading look was all it took for her to cuddle into his arms.

They were quiet for a few minutes, each revelling in the feel of the other pressed close. Finally, Harm broke the silence, “I could get used to this, Mac.”

“I never thought you were the big teddy bear type,” Mac chuckled. “But you’re right, it feels good.” With that she buried her head back into his chest. The comfortable silence continued and minutes stretched into hours.

Finally, she raised her head again to look up at him. His breathing had evened and he seemed to be in a light slumber. “Harm,” she whispered. And when she got no reply she tried again, “Harm.”

Grumbling, he let himself fall to the side, dragging her with him. When he was done repositioning himself, he lay on his back on the couch with her form draped across his body. “Sleep, Mac,” was all he mumbled, before he pulled her even closer.

“Your back’s gonna kill you tomorrow, Squid,” Mac whispered, “You aren’t the youngest anymore.”

One of his eyes fluttered open upon hearing that. “Be careful, Marine. This squid can still teach you a trick or two.”

“Can’t wait to see what that is,” Mac teased. “Do show.”

Harm opened his other eye as well, smiling at her mischieviously. “Don’t you wish,” he whispered. “But that will have to wait until tomorrow. Now, sleep, Marine.”

After a long while he added, “Mac?”

“Hmm?” was her sleepy reply.

“Maybe we really should move this to the bed after all,” he suggested.

“Getting old, hmm?” Mac teased.

“Maybe it’s you that’s getting heavier, honey. Too much dead cow, I gather,” Harm replied.

“Heavier? Honey? Okay, that’s it, Squid. You’re a dead man!” Mac growled, before tickling him senseless.

Their giggles rang through the apartment and into the corridor. Then, a loud bang could be heard, accompanied with a female grunting. “Now who’s the heavy one of us two, old man?”

The End

Kathryn leaned back in her rocking chair, staring over the wide crop fields that spread towards the horizon, bathed in the beautiful colours of the sunrise. She smiled, for once content with the world around her. Coming home had taken its toll on her, but at the moment, almost a year later, she had finally found her peace. It wasn’t quite what she had dreamt it would be, but, in a way, it had been better – and worse than she had ever imagined.

Looking back on her life she realised there were many regrets and yet, at the same time, there had been many happy moments – the day she had been accepted to the Academy, the day Justin had proposed, and all the days she had spent under her father’s desk.

Kathryn rocked back and forth, focusing her eyes on the distant sunrise. It soothed her somehow and she knew she had to say everything out loud, had to tell about the times she had enjoyed, the times her heart had shattered into a thousand pieces, and the times she had faced death. She had to talk about everything that lead her to this point in her life.

Smiling to herself, Kathryn began to speak in a hushed voice.

“You know, if you ever quote me on anything I’m going to share with you I will have your head. I am not searching for someone to write my curriculum vitae. The spirits know this has been tried far too many times and been messed up just as often. I’ve never understood peoples’ urges to write something about another person but not caring enough to get to know him or her in the first place.

“I have been called everything from the ‘Delta Quad Whore’ to the ‘Woman of Steel’. It really is ridiculous. Yes, I made it through the Delta Quadrant in record time. No one had tried before Voyager, so I had to set a standard. Anyway, you should know that I never ever sold myself or any of my crew for anything. It hurts to be called a whore, it really does.

“Mama always tells me not to think too much about it. At least they didn’t call me ‘that bitchy Klingon with her ex-con lover’. I can still hear the growl that left B’Elanna’s throat before she wrapped her hands tightly around that reporter’s throat. He really had no respect and it was interesting to watch the four security officers trying halfheartedly to get her off him. I guess it was only after they realized that his face was turning a shade beyond blue that he was in actually in danger. It took only one soothing word from Tom for her let go. It was a fascinating control he showed over her temper.

“After they had transported the sorry reporter to the nearest hospital, life was good for a while. We were left alone mostly and if the press approached us, it was only in a polite way. They had realized that none of Voyager’s crew would be prosecuted for almost choking a member of the press when they had been treated with direspect or disdain.

“But I guess, I should start at the very beginning. You know, I was raised not far from here, only a few kilometers away, right here in the middle of Indiana. About the first thing I remember is spending days on end under my daddy’s desk, waiting till he was finished with his work. He used to call me his Goldenbird. I actually started hiding there after my sister was born. She had taken a lot of Mama’s attention, a little devil called Phoebe. She didn’t seem to do much more than scream and, come to think of it, she still hasn’t stopped that.

“You should have heard her scream as she came running towards me, almost knocking me down. Then she proceeded to hug every single crew member that came within reach and when she ran out of crew, she hugged their families as well. She always used to be a little hyper, but I think she completely lost it that day.

“But who could blame her? I felt like hugging and kissing everyone, too. I ended up kissing only one person, but that kiss certainly made my mother blush, and she’s not one to blush easily. Uhm, anyway, I think I am getting a little off the subject here.”

Feeling the need to regain her focus, Kathryn slowly raised the cup she had used to warm her hands to her lips. The herbal tea warmed her from inside out, fighting the early morning chill effectively. She had long given up her caffeine habit, finding that once she had settled down, she didn’t really need that kick anymore. Asking for tea at Miral’s first birthday had gotten her more than one raised eyebrow along with many astonished expressions. B’Elanna’s look had been more than worth quitting. The doctor had eyed her suspiciously, probably wondering if she just wanted to tease him.

“I guess I am not used to giving long speeches anymore. I bet I’ve already bored you to death. Well, you are stuck with me for now, it seems. If I were you I’d take the first opportunity and run, but I guess you don’t quite have that option. Where was I? Oh, the day we made it home. We didn’t quite get a parade and I am sure none of us really wanted one. All we really wanted was to embrace our loved ones.

“It had taken us a long time to get home. Who would have thought that a three-week-mission would turn out to last for years? It really was the biggest adventure one could imagine. When the admiralty gave me command of Voyager, I never thought that it would lead to getting stuck in the Delta Quadrant. Of course, at first I was anything but thrilled to be thrown more than halfway across the galaxy by some dying alien searching for a mate. I lost many crewmembers and saw myself thrown together with the man I was sent out to capture. I had no choice but to work with him so I made him my first officer. Somehow I had to combine those two crews, one by-the-book Starfleet and one rules-never-heard-that-word Maquis. It was sad that I had to put Chakotay into a Starfleet uniform though. He looked really handsome in that leather.

“I think I am getting a little carried away again,” Kathryn smiled sheepishly. The little blush that spread over her cheaks made her practically glow. She was the epitome of happiness completely lost in her story.

“You know, I soon learned to appreciate him. Appreciation grew to respect, and respect into friendship as he slowly but surely took hold of my heart. He became my best friend in a matter of months and I found myself depending on him being there more than I cared to admit.

“Who else would save me from tasting Neelix’s better-than-coffee substitute at just the right moment? He always saw to it that I was eating properly, got enough sleep and had my share of coffee to help me through the day. Maybe he knew what deprivation would have done to me.

“I couldn’t stop flirting with him, even on the bridge. There was the time I asked him about his animal guide. ‘You strike me as the bear type.’ ‘You’ve got a date.’ What was I thinking? It was the time we had a look at the coffee nebula that led to a whole lot of trouble. But it’s also when Chakotay helped me meet my animal guide, and I have to admit, it was a fascinating experience. Back then I thought that keeping my distance from the crew was what the crew needed. I thought they expected me to be larger than life, when deep down inside I knew that I was far from perfect, far from being what they wanted me to be. Chakotay was there for me, and oddly, so was Harry Kim. He was the one who broke the pattern. He was the one who invited me to Sandrine’s for the first time. How could I have said no to that eager young ensign? It turned out to be a lot of fun — that ridicuously charming hologram making advances on me, the invitation to play pool. ‘Commander Chakotay, your stick.’ I couldn’t help that little slip. Then beating Tom at pool and seeing Harry’s look of astonishment– I did have some fun in the early days, when I allowed myself to indulge myself.

“I will never forget Chakotay’s support when it came to Amelia Earhart and her people. In the middle of the Delta Quadrant we had found a colony of humans who invited us to stay with them. I was afraid my crew would accept their invitation willingly. I was sure they would want to stay behind and there was nothing I could or would have done to stop them. But what really worried me was that too many might choose to leave Voyager – that not enough would remain to keep Voyager running. I don’t know whether I’d have had the courage to step into the cargo bay where I told those who wanted to leave to assemble had Chakotay not been there to stand by me. He supported me. He steadied me, felt my need to have someone help me remain sane. It had only been a simple gesture, a hand on my shoulder, but I can’t even begin to describe how that made me feel.

“And then there were all the times I teased him about his expertise on mating behaviour,” she shook her head in disbelief. “I’m astonished that Chakotay didn’t fall over in shock. There I was, flirting again.

“Then, suddenly, Chakotay and I were stranded on a planet. Living close to him and not giving in to his advances got harder and harder with every passing day, yet I somehow found the strength to withstand temptation. And then, when I am finally willing to let go and start over with him, Tuvok comes back and rescues us. All of a sudden we were thrown back into our old lives. It was different yet it was achingly familiar. We remained friends, best friends, but I made it clear to him that that was all we were going to be while on Voyager.

“Not that I didn’t regret that decision countless times. Every time he appeared with a new blonde at his side I could have killed him, or myself in anger. It hurt me to see him with someone else, but at the same time I didn’t really have any right to be jealous or angry with him. After all, I was the one who wanted to remain just friends with him, wasn’t I? My head knew that, but my heart certainly disagreed. Maybe that’s what made me so bitter after a while.

“And of course there was, at least for the first years, the memory of Mark. Here I was, in love with my first officer, when I had a fiancé back home to consider. Life with Mark was comfortable; he accepted who I was, loved my dog and was comfortable to be with. There was never much passion in that relationship, just a warm comfortable feeling when he was around. It was nothing compared to what I felt for Chakotay. But Mark was my safety net, one of my better excuses not to get involved with my first officer. I never expected him to put his life on hold and wait for me, yet I was doing exactly that. I waited and waited. Even after I got his letter, the one that told me in no uncertain terms that he had moved on, I held back. And gradually I changed, hardened…

“I did not like the person I slowly turned into. Kathryn disappeared and the captain took over more and more. At times I would be just my old self, especially when Q came by to bring out the worst in me, but he managed to make Chakotay jealous every single time. That’s what made his visits special to me. Chakotay’s reaction showed me that he still cared, even after his other actions made me doubt his feelings.

“It was those rare moments that kept Kathryn going on, that kept her from disappearing totally, so she — I — could reappear after Voyager’s return. She was lost when we first returned, buried under the captain. Faced with the Starfleet brat and countless debriefings, the captain had to remain. Yet, Kathryn was coaxed back once in a while by Phoebe and mama. They were shocked by my appearance, by the way I seemed to have aged a lot more than seven years while we were gone. It took a while to get used to their pampering, but gradually I saw that they were right. As soon as I realized just what I had been doing to my body and soul, I resigned from Starfleet. A clean break was what I needed to find Kathryn again. Eventually, I did. The captain disappeared from my life completely.”

Kathryn stood from the wooden chair, placing the cup of tea onto the table next to it.

“You know, this,” she included the entire house with her hand, “has become my life. And I am happy. Mama and Phoebe live just around the corner and now the reporters pretty much leave us alone. It’s a quiet life and I am astonished that I’m not bored out of my mind by now, but it seems like New Earth all over again. With one big difference: Chakotay and I are not totally alone on this planet; it just seems like it sometimes. That is what I cherish most.”

Kathryn walked out on the back porch and couldn’t help the broad smile that spread over her face when she saw Chakotay waiting for her. As soon as she was within his reach he enfolded her in a warm embrace, kissing her warmly.

“Talking to yourself again, Kathryn?” he teased, letting her go just enough to be able to look into her eyes.

“You should know by now that this nice rocking chair and a soothing voice is the only thing to stop junior here from kickboxing,” she gestured towards her swollen abdomen.

Chakotay let her go and kneeled in front of her. In a scolding voice he addresed their child. “You shouldn’t wake your mother this early in the morning, you know that. It makes her all cranky.”

“As if he’s going to listen to you. You keep telling him that, and he doesn’t listen. I doubt he’ll start now.”

“Yes, she’s going to be one pigheaded, stubborn Janeway and will have her daddy wrapped around her little finger in a matter of seconds.”

“Good for her,” she laughed, grabbing his hand to lead him inside. “A girl. Why are you so sure it’s going to be a girl?”

“I just know. Is she asleep now?”

“At least she stopped kicking. You know what you are going to do now, daddy?” Not waiting for an answer she continued, “You are going to prove that her mom already has you wrapped around her little finger by giving me a nice long backrub. How does that sound?”

“Like a good idea,” he answered with a grin.

“Good answer,” Kathryn replied, letting him settle her on the bed. She sighed contentedly as his fingers started to wander along her back. One by one the knots disappeared and with every single touch, Kathryn felt herself drifting further and further away, until her even breathing told Chakotay that his massage had had the desired effect. He brushed a kiss along her lips, then bent down to kiss her abdomen. Stretching out next to her, Chakotay gathered her close, content to just stay like this forever.

The three years Kathryn had already spent on Voyager had taught her one thing: There was nothing more valuable than a hiding space aboard where no one could find her, not even one over-eager First Officer.

Kathryn had chosen hers carefully. Masking it from sensors had not been a problem, since her engineering skills were not as rusty as she liked to pretend. This was the time of year she had always felt like hiding most.

Once again, Christmas was approaching rapidly and with it Neelix’s plans to bring everyone into the spirit of things. This year he had organized baking afternoons and many parties in the holodecks in beautiful snow-covered sceneries. Last night he had insisted on inviting the crew to what he called “the traditional felling of the Christmas tree”.

Still, the efforts were lost on her. She preferred staying in her little hiding place, reading a good novel while relaxing in the hammock she had fastened from one wall to the other. No one but her had ever seen this junction of the Jeffrey tubes. Located behind her own quarters it would not take her long to get to the bridge should she ever be needed. The computer still recognized that part of her ship as part of her domain, so whoever queried would get the announcement that the captain was in her quarters. Only Kathryn knew better.

Before long, Chakotay would be on his way to her quarters to bug her about coming to some social event with him. It was another of the snowball fight nights, wasn’t it? He would try her chime several times and when she didn’t answer, Chakotay would contact her via the comm system.

And as expected, her combadge chirmed that very moment. “Chakotay to Janeway.”

“Janeway here. Chakotay, just leave me be,” she sighed.

“Let me in, Kathryn, please?” he asked. “I’m worried about you.”

“And why is that? Seriously, I just want to have a nice long, quiet soak in the tub, which you are pretty much disturbing right now,” She lied.

“I don’t hear any water splashing,” Chakotay announced.

Kathryn held out her hand and splashed a little water from the bucket she had strategically placed next to her hammock. “Happy now?” She asked.

“Okay. Sure you don’t need any help in there? I mean, I could wash your back,” he trailed off.

“Don’t push your luck, mister,” Kathryn smiled. “Just because you built me one of those things not long ago doesn’t mean you are entitled to do that,” she teased.

“So, I gather you’re not going to help me wipe that smug look off Tom’s with a few snowballs?”

“No,” she answered.

“What does it take to get you into the Christmas spirit, Kathryn?” Chakotay sighed.

“My mom, my sister, my home, baking my mom’s cookies and a huge real Christmas tree,” Kathryn stated. “I am afraid that’s not going to happen anytime soon, so I need to cope and ignore this specific holiday as good as possible.”

“Then maybe we can be miserable together? Neelix does all he does because Christmas is an especially hard time for the crew. Most are in danger of getting seriously depressed over missing their loved ones and not being likely to see them again in a long time, so Neelix keeps them busy.”

“I don’t need a distraction, Chakotay, I am perfectly happy where I am.”

“Okay, can I visit you later?” He asked with a smile.

“Maybe,” Kathryn answered.

“See you later then, Chakotay out.”

Shaking her head, Kathryn went back to her book, carefully drying her hands before she touched it. That man really could be annoying at times. Of course, she had to admit that it was mostly because he genuinely cared about her well-being. She sighed. Why did he have to be so darned sweet sometimes?
*

“Later” turned out to be a lot sooner than she probably expected, but Chakotay was a man on a mission and the mission was to get Kathryn Janeway to enjoy herself. Not an easy task by any means, but someone had to do it. A melancholy Captain wasn’t good for crew morale and certainly not for his moral. So he carefully opened the Jefferies tube hatch and slipped inside. He knew this one lead directly to Kathryn’s hiding place. It wasn’t a long way to crawl, but his knees were killing him. He hoped it would be worth the effort. He was getting too old for this.

When he rounded the corner, he saw her lounging in the hammock, reading. He was relieved that she hadn’t noticed him yet. It gave him the opportunity to study her some and prepare himself for the difficult task that lay ahead. He wasn’t entirely sure how she would react to being disturbed in what she likely considered her private place.

While he silently watched her, he saw the bucket of water next to the hammock and nearly let the cat out of the bag by chuckling. He had figured something like that when he had heard the splashing water earlier, but her strategic planning amused him all the same.

“Mind if I join you?” he heard himself asking, startling both her and himself. What happened to his plans of preparation?

Kathryn’s head snapped up and around, her eyes meeting his. There was annoyance in them, but also something else. Something he couldn’t place. “What are you doing here?”

‘Damned if I know,’ he thought. What was it about this woman that made his brain shut down? It took him all of five seconds to find his voice. “I know you, Kathryn. And I found this place not too long ago when I asked the computer for your exact position in your quarters.” It was a lie, but it was the safest answer, too. How was he to tell her that he had heard her cry herself to sleep on occasion? The first time had shocked him pretty badly. He had not known where the sound was coming from, seeing as their quarters were soundproof. The Jefferies tubes weren’t, though. It had taken him all his will power not to go to her, no matter how much he had wanted to. But something had told him that at that time, shortly after they had been rescued from New Earth, she wouldn’t have appreciated the hug he so desperately had wanted to give her.

“Sneaky,” Kathryn growled, bringing him out of his reverie.

Searching for safe ground, he gestured to the bucket. “Nice diversion.”

“Yeah, thought so too.” She grinned. “The only way you wouldn’t insist on coming in.”

He raised a brow at that.

“You’re not going to tell anyone, are you? If you do, I might have to kill you.”

It seemed as if he wasn’t the only one searching for safe ground. They both knew he wouldn’t tell a soul, even without the threat. “I value my life.”

Something caught her attention then. “What are you hiding there?” she asked, making an attempt to get out of the hammock.

He followed her gaze, finally remembering the small box he’d brought along. “Just a little something for you.”

“Why does that sound scary?” Kathryn muttered.

“I don’t know. Maybe because it might have something to do with Christmas?”

“Please, spare me,” she groaned, glaring at him.

He chose to ignore that and held the box out for her instead. Curiosity got the better of her then, as he hoped it would, and she crooked her index finger, gesturing for him to come closer. He carefully came closer, still holding the box in front of him almost like a shield. Did she even realize how suggestive her gesture was? She probably didn’t, because as soon as he was within range, she grabbed the box and busied herself with the content. He didn’t know whether to be hurt or grateful.

“Scented candles?” she asked with a smile. At his shrug, she dug deeper. “What’s this? Cookies?”

He revelled in her broad smile as she unfolded the napkin he’d placed at the bottom of the box. “Baked by yours truly,” he offered. “Most certainly not as good as your mother’s, but hopefully edible.”

“Thank you, Chakotay.” Her eyes were shining brightly as she tried a cookie. “They’re edible,” she told him with an evil gleam in her eyes, which made him wonder what she was up to. “Are you desperately trying to rehabilitate this Scrooge?”

“You’re not a Scrooge, you just have to get your mind straightened out a little.” And he was going to help her do just that, come hell or high water. “You wait here a second, I’m going to get something else.” With that he turned and hurried back to his quarters – that was, in the narrow space of the Jefferies tube he was barely faster than a snail, but he tried. The hard part was yet to come, though. Back in his quarters, he grabbed the small Christmas tree he had replicated last year and a quilt, and moved back into the Jefferies tube, only to realize that it was a dangerous endeavour at best and a downright suicidal one at worst.

It was worthwhile, though, he decided when he presented the tree to Kathryn. Her eyes grew to the size of saucers when he placed the tree next to her hammock. “Don’t worry, it’s artificial. Won’t drop needles.” Not giving her the chance to object, he put the quilt around her shoulders, effectively tucking her in. Then he placed the scented candles he’d given her next to her coffee cup and lit them.

Stepping back, he critically eyed the result of his efforts. There was one totally baffled looking Kathryn Janeway covered in green and red watching him with a mixture of astonishment and hostility.

“Now please tell me you won’t start singing, Chakotay,” she sighed.

He burst out laughing at the ridiculousness of that thought. “I have to see to Tom Paris next. Still don’t feel like joining me?” he asked, tentative hope in his voice.

“I am just going to stay here, now that I am warm and cosy. And I have food and coffee. Everything I need. Thank you, Chakotay.”

“You’re welcome, Kathryn,” he answered with a small smile. “Am I allowed back in here later?”

“Yes, you are.”

With a nod and a smile, he carefully turned around a left. Kathryn never saw the triumphant gleam in his eyes.
*

As soon as he was out of sight, she wrapped the quilt tighter around her form, inhaling deeply as his scent invaded her nostrils. This blanket certainly wasn’t freshly replicated, she decided. It was well worn and seemed handmade. Kathryn was sure that it had been part of the things he had managed to save from his ship.

Smiling to herself she imagined his arms wrapped around her under the warmth it provided. It was so easy to give into this mental image. The two of them relaxing in front of a small fireplace in their own little shelter while the snowflakes fell outside, making it seem even warmer and cosier inside. These were the times when she once again wished for the opportunity to spend a winter with Chakotay on New Earth. In the small shelter they would have needed to share body heat at night. But there was not much sense in dwelling on the what ifs, was there? She was glad to be back on Voyager because it meant there was at least a chance that she was going to see her family again one day. Until then, she would have to cope just the same as every other person aboard Voyager. Chakotay had been right after all, she had to admit.

She was not the only one close to wallowing in their own misery this time of year. How hard had it to be for the ones who had children at home? She was moping, wasn’t she, Kathryn wondered. Maybe it was time for this captain to grow up and face the world and the Christmas spirit. Her jaw set with determination, Kathryn smiled at the irony of it all: she would stop acting like a spoilt sulking child to join her crew in a snowball fight. A contradiction in itself.

As Kathryn crawled back into her quarters to put on some warm clothes, she marvelled at how well Chakotay could manipulate her. He had known exactly what buttons to press to make her come to the event after all. He had made her believe that he accepted her choice not to go, probably knowing full well that his actions would make her think about it again until she would finally join him.

Dressed in a white winter jacket, white trousers and equally white boots, Kathryn left her quarters. There was nothing better than camouflage clothes when you had a snowball fight to win. What had he said? He was going to bombard Paris. A nice mission indeed.
*

Chakotay was shielded by a tree from the general action. Dressed in adequate winter gear, he crouched down and seized the momentary solitude to gather some ammunition. It was only a matter of time before Kathryn would show up and he wanted to be prepared. There wasn’t a shadow of doubt in his mind that she would come. He’d seen her face, seen the curiosity and mischief in her eyes, and just knew she couldn’t let this opportunity pass her by. It also meant that he’d better be ready.

While he was forming yet another snowball for the ever-growing pile to his left, he heard her approach. She was a quiet one, he had to give her that, but without the element of surprise on her side, she was easily located. “Kathryn, I don’t think you want to do that.”

Silence reigned. Realizing what that meant, Chakotay ducked – too late. Something cold hit him squarely on the back of his head. A growl escaped from the back of his throat as he turned around and lunged at her. Before she knew what had hit her, he had her pinned effectively to the ground, using his weight to keep her immobilized. “War, Janeway?” he asked sweetly, challenging her with his eyes. “You can have war.”

With that he opened the zipper of her jacket, pinning her hands over her head with his other hand. As soon as it was halfway opened, he took a handful of snow and generously covered her sweater with a layer of it, watching in fascination as it instantly melted. Happy with his actions, he carefully rezipped it, patting it a few times to insure that her clothes were thoroughly soaked.

After he was done he looked down into her face, and regretted it immediately. Kathryn had given up the squirming since it didn’t have any effect; instead, she concentrated on killing him with a look of steel. He shuddered slightly and turned sideways, just to feel her hot breath tickling his earlobe.

“That was not nice, mister,” she whispered dangerously low before catching his earlobe and nibbling gently on it.

Her bold move made him shudder with delight and the sensations it caused momentarily distracted him. As soon as she noticed his grip on her hands loosening, she freed herself, rolling them around until their positions were reversed. “Not nice at all,” she whispered with a low growl.

Chakotay knew he could easily gain the upper hand, but he wasn’t even going to try. It was far more fascinating to let her have her revenge, to watch her forget about everything else and have fun.

Grabbing a handful of snow, Kathryn spread it across his face and neck, seeing to it that some drops of the melted snow disappeared underneath his jacket, then took another bit to spread it across his stomach. The moment realization dawned on him, though, it was too late. His eyes widened in shock as she smiled wickedly at him.

“Gotcha,” she laughed, but quickly got serious, as he toppled her over again. None of them was willing to give the other a chance at another assault so their battle for supremacy had them rolling through the snow, felling whatever crewmember happened to be in their way. They finally ended up bumping against a tree, both panting heavily with exhaustion and cold.

“You’re shivering,” Chakotay said as he looked down at Kathryn who was pinned underneath him. Again. He could get used to this.

“Oh, and you had nothing to do with that fact, right?” she replied acidly, the laughter in her eyes betraying her voice.

“Well,” he began, “I am pretty sure I know how to handle that one.”

“And that is?” she challenged.
*

Kathryn held her breath, anticipating his next move. He grinned at her wickedly before closing in on her. Would he dare kiss her? As his lips moved closer to hers she closed her eyes, waiting. When the moment his lips should have touched hers had passed, she reopened them, wondering what had happened. When she saw his expression she realized she’d been had.

Damn that man. He was hovering mere inches above her, smiling at her with a gleam in his eyes. Then suddenly, he jumped up. She resisted the urge to protest as the cold once again hit her body where it had been sheltered by the warmth of his body a moment before.

Then just as suddenly she felt herself be lifted off the ground. Before she knew what was happening she found herself facing his backside. He had had the nerve to fling her over his shoulder and was now on his way to one of the cabins.

She struggled the best she could but she only succeeded in causing him to grab on tighter and increase his pace. She growled in frustration knowing there was nothing she could do to stop him.

As soon as they entered the cabin, she was grateful for the warmth that greeted her. It was as comfortable inside as it looked from the outside. It occurred to Kathryn that she was still suspended upside down, with a delightful view of Chakotay’s posterior. Patting Chakotay’s behind with her hand, she said, “Are you going to put me down?”

He chuckled. “Do you promise to be a good girl and not hurt me?”

She snorted at that, “Will you feed me coffee and cookies? And give me warm, dry clothes?”

“Yes,” he answered, “So, will you be good?”

“Okay,” she sighed, feeling his grip on her loosening some, as he let her slide down along his form until her feet once again came into contact with the floor.

“You’re still shivering,” he said, as he wrapped his arms around her tightly once again, encasing her in his warmth.

“And I will be until I get out of these clothes,” Kathryn answered against his neck.

“Need help with that?” He asked, innocently enough to make her snort.

“No thank you, mister. Maybe some other time. Right after I let you help me take a bath.” She chuckled.

“I’m sure these cabins have a bathtub somewhere.” He manoeuvred them towards the towels and dry clothes that were waiting for them on the counter. ‘Bless Neelix,’ Kathryn thought, as she saw that those were actually hers. ‘He must have known I would come after all.’

“Smooth, Chakotay,” she replied, disentangling herself from him and grabbing her clothes before disappearing into the bathroom.

“No, thank you for bringing my clothes, Chakotay and for knowing I would come after all*?” He hollered after her.

“So that was you? I thought it was Neelix,” she unfolded one of the packs to reveal a gown she hadn’t seen in quite a while. “How did you find these? I haven’t seen them in ages.”

“They somehow found their way into my luggage after New Earth,” he answered sheepishly.

“And you didn’t see any reason to return them until today?” She asked while towelling her hair dry and walking back towards him only to see him quickly slipping on a fresh pair of trousers. She definitely could get used to that view.

“Well, I don’t remember you returning my favourite pair of pyjamas, Kathryn,” he stated, “And for that matter, haven’t seen my beige sweater in a long time either.”

“Well, they were comfortable,” she explained with a small smile. “Now don’t you tell me you have been wearing this,” Kathryn added gesturing at the gown she was wearing.

Chakotay laughed out loud at that and shook his head. “Now, we’ve both holding the other’s clothes hostage. What does that tell us?”

“That we’re pathetic,” Kathryn stated while gradually inching closer towards him. He was mimicking her moves, and before long their toes were touching.

“Pathetic, hmm,” Chakotay pondered, inching even closer towards her until he was hovering mere millimetres away from her face.

“You’d better go for it this time, or I might have to drag your sorry behind out into the snow again,” Kathryn growled.

And she had her response. As soon as the words left her mouth, his lips brushed against hers in a gentle kiss that soon turned more and more passionate. When the need for air grew too strong they broke apart slightly panting for breath. “Wow,” Kathryn smiled. “I could get used to this.”

“Now, am I allowed to share your hiding spot… and bathtub, among other things?” He asked with a smile.

“The vote is still out on that one,” she grinned wickedly, teasing him mercilessly.

“Oh yes?” He answered. “Oh well, I’ll have to live with that.” He turned away from her, and started walking toward the door.

“Oh no, mister, you’re not getting away that easily,” Kathryn smiled, watching him turn around. “You come back here and we will talk. Negotiate terms for the bathtub.”

“I like the way you think, Kathryn,” he smiled before heading back her way.

Kathryn couldn’t help the butterflies in her stomach. For once, she felt that she’d gotten it right. Maybe Christmas away from home wasn’t that bad when you had someone to spend it with. Someone who would go into the extreme to make you see the light after all. She could get used to spending Christmas like that, standing toe to toe with her First Officer, engaged in mutual fraternization. She could also get used to spending every other day of her life like this.

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

Sarah MacKenzie stormed into her office in a fit of fury. Reaching her desk, she picked up the first object that seemed heavy enough to vent some of her negative energy and hurled it into the general direction of the door. She waited for the thud it would produce when connecting with either the door, the floor or any innocent bystander, but nothing came.

Swirling around in frustration, her face came into contact with a uniform clad chest. She fought her immediate reflex to deck the person when his familiar scent invaded her nostrils. Why did he have to be one of them? One of those males… Arrogant, cocky and annoying. And still he was her best friend, but did that really count as an excuse for being male?

She felt her chin being lifted by one of his fingers, until her eyes had no choice but to meet his.

“You know, you could seriously hurt someone with this,” he stated, raising a letter opener with his other hand.

Her eyes widened slightly when she realized just what she had catapulted across the room.

“Well, I wasn’t expecting anyone to be stupid enough to actually follow me,” she snapped. “What are you doing here anyway?”

“I was wondering if you’d like to talk about what’s bothering you, Mac.” Worry was written all over his face.

“Not really,” Mac sighed, already knowing that he would not let her escape that easily.

“Ma-ac,” was all he had say before she raised her arms in a gesture of silent surrender.

“It’s killing me,” she growled, “I am *this* close to finishing him off.”

“Him?” Harm asked, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear.

“Brumby, or as you so very well put it: Bugme,” she sighed.

“He is courting you, Mac,” Harm tried to explain, feeling relied wash over him as he noticed that she did not seem to be interested at all in the obnoxious Australian.

“He is trying to bed me, Harm,” Mac spat, “and he isn’t even subtle about it. I mean, he keeps asking me out to dinner, innocently brushing his hand across mine or the side of my breast whenever he gets a chance. Of course, I have no choice but to gulp it all down and tell him no over and over again, but I simply can’t stand it anymore. I feel like a piece of meat, some grand prize,” she babbled, her voice turning more and more into that of a wailing child.

Harm grasped both her hands into his, leading her backwards until she had reached a chair which he placed her in. Turning around, he quickly made his way to the door to close it, then proceeding to the blinds. When he had made certain that no prying eyes and ears could witness their conversation, he kneeled in front of her, taking her hands in his again. With a gentle squeaze of reassurement, he began to speak:

“Mac, there has to be some way to tell him in no uncertain terms that you aren’t interested in his antics.”

She interrupted him, “You mean, tell him *no* time and again? Been there, done that.”

“I mean something more drastic,” Harm smiled mischievously.

“Do tell,” Mac urged him on.

Gesturing wildly, Harm began to relay his plan to her.

~*~

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

Next Morning

Mac was strolling into her office with a broad smile on her face. If Harm’s plan was going to work she would get rid of a certain cocky Australian for all times, which could only be a good thing. But the plan itself was risky and Mac was not sure what it would bring for her relationship to her best friend.

Just then Harm chose to stick his head into her office carefully, ready to duck from any flying objects that might come this way. As he saw her friendly mood, he winked at her. “Morning, Mac,” he grinned, “You ready to to get the show on the road?”

She returned his smile, “Where should we start?”

“Break room. Let’s get some coffee.”

Following him out, she noticed with a smile that he slowed until she was walking next to him, strategically placing a hand on the small of her back. She could feel Mic’s eyes on them, burning through Harm’s hand. From the corner of her eyes she noticed him rising and following them with a little distance. Harm smiled at her reassuringly, guiding her into the break room.

When they busied themselves with pouring some coffee they always kept some sort of physical contact with each other. Finally, Mac grabbed the two mugs, well aware that Harm was looking over her shoulder, his body molded to hers.

He stepped away just enough to let her turn around, which she did. Handing him his mug, she smiled up at Harm. It was so easy to get lost in that blue orbs of his, Mac once again realised.

His hand reached up to cup her cheek, then wandering lightly across her face to wipe a small drop of the brown liquid from the corner of her mouth. May had to repress the small gasp that threatened to escape her throat.

Wasn’t this what the grand plan had been all about? Making her unavailable for Mic and ever other male being in her vicinity? Maybe not EVERY other male, she tried to convince herself.

“Harm,” she whispered, as his head closed in on hers, coming dangerously close, too close.

He stopped at her whisper, his lips almost touching hers. He flashed her one of his trademark grins that never failed to make her legs wobble. “Later,” he stated, loud enough for anyone else, namely Mic, in the room to hear.

“Lunch,” she smiled against his lips, that seemed to be still coming closer, developing a life of their own.

“Dinner,” he added, without any hesistation.

Mac automaticaaly closed in on him, letting her body brush against his, yet never moving her lips from almost touching his. At his groan, she bent slightly, whispering “Breakfast” into his ear.

Before he could react, she brushed past him, coffee in hand, never acknoledging Mic as she walked past him and out of the door.

Harm slowly turned around, meeting Mic’s eyes. He made sure that the Australian understood his claim. Mac was his girl and Mic was to bugger off and and leave his girl alone. Mic bent his head slightly, in reply, acknowledging him.

Mac’s Apartment

19:00 EST

One week later

The week had passed without much of an advance by Mic, who had seemingly accepted that she was off the market. But with Mic out of the way for the moment, Mac saw herself faced with an even bigger problem. If she and Harm stopped pretending, Mic would be at her throat in a matter of hours and if they did not the line between pretending and actually feeling would blur even more than it already had. The last week she had experienced how it would be like to be loved by Harmon Rabb. He was tending to her every need, getting her the morning coffee the way she liked it, taking her out to lunch every day and more importantly, she felt safe with him.

Never really a person to trust men fully after her relationship with Chris, she felt herself falling fast for the handsome aviator. Not that she hadn’t been in love with him before, but her feelings had been tucked away safely into the back of her heart. She did not indulge in them, did not allow herself to.

By now, she had to remind herself every second that the touches, the smiles, even the chaste kisses he stole once in a while were part of a ploy to get rid of Mic. For him she was nothing but a friend her was helping out, a damsel in distress.

But how would she succeed in getting out of this spiral? It had catastrophy written all over it. Sooner or later the Admiral would confront them, or worse, sooner or later she could blur her feelings out in a moment of weakness.

It was a tough choice. Mic or Harm. Would she want to stop pretending with him and appear single again with Mic on her scent, or would she stay happy? She realized, with a start that apart from the relationship being fake, she really was happier than ever before. Fact was, she wanted it to be true.

A knock at her door interrupted her thoughts. Harm, she gathered. Who else could it be? Opening the door, she smiled at him, as he scooped her into his arms and gave her a light peck on the mouth, only to return to her lips again for a more thorough duel.

Setting her down again, he grinned sheepishly. “Hey.”

Returning his smile, she answered, “Hey,” gesturing for him to enter.

He brushed past her, helping himself with two bottles of water from her fridge. Handing her one, he flopped down onto her couch, his eyes asking her to join him. As soon as she sat, he faced her, his expression unreadable.

“It worked, didn’t it?” he asked and at her nod carried on. “I’ve been giving this a lot of thought. It’s a one-way-street, isn’t it?”

She nodded again, as he voiced her thoughts.

“So as soon as I am going to back down again, he is going to be there. My brilliant plan wasn’t really as brilliant, after all, was it?”

Mac sighed, “I pretty much came to the conclusion, and I don’t have a solution.” Her shoulders slumped in defeat.

On instict that came with the events of the past week, Harm immediately embraced her, his hand running soothingly across her back. Just as naturally, Mac molded into his arms, drawing comfort and strength from him.

“Do you want us to stop, Mac?” He finally asked, never breaking the pattern of soothing circles, he drew onto her back.

Mac buried her face into his neck, inhaling his scent while nuzzling her nose into him. She did not answer him, she could not. Even if she wanted to, she did not know what to answer.

So, he carried on, “I don’t want to go back to the way things were. I don’t know what I want anymore, really. This is confusing me, but at the same time I like to be confused when it means I can hold you,” he turned his head just enough to place a kiss onto her forehead, “and kiss you,” he added with a grin.

Mac drew back a little. “I am not sure this whole thing is a good idea.”

Harm immediately sobered. “You mean the idea of the two of us together?” Harm disentangled himself from her and started to pace the room. “Okay, you don’t want me, you don’t want me. Maybe you’re right. If you aren’t ready for a commitment, and that’s what it would be, from my side at least… if you’re not ready for a commitment then we should forget about it all,” he rambled, grabbing his jacket.

Before she had a chance to answer him, he held up his hand, “No, Mac, I understand. I was a convenient way to get rid of Brumby. I understand, really. See you at work, Colonel.”

Mac only stared at the door that slowly shut behind him, trying to understand what the heck had just happened. Wasn’t he the one supposed to be the relationship-phobic? Why was he so quick to give up without even listening to her? Of course, he had misunderstood her once again. He hadn’t even let her explain what she meant. Men. She sighed aloud, repressing the urge to run after him and knock some sense into his impatient, clueless mind.

But that wouldn’t work. Why couldn’t he just listen once without drawing the wrong conclusions prematurely? How could she make sure he would understand once and for all that her doubts were not at all about them being together, but about the pretending part, her fears that his confusions had nothing to do with having feelings for her. There was so much they needed to make sure before she could dare to make the big step that a relationship with Harm meant.

But how would she be able to tell him all that without him running away as soon as she mentioned doubts. Harmon Rabb had run quickly and Mac wasn’t even sure why he had. Had he been afraid of her explanations? What exactly was he afraid of? She was pretty sure that it would take some persuasion to get him to talk.

Sighing, Mac grabbed her keys and jacket and walked out of the door, trying to find the stubborn pigheaded sailor.

~*~

His car was still parking in front of her apartment, his slumped form visible from the doorway. Mac watched him for a moment, not sure how to interpret his posture. He seemed really upset about what had transpired. Not mad or furious, but sad and somehow his gestures had something of a small puppy that had just been told off. Harmon Rabb seemed to be pouting.

Slowly, Mac made her way to the passenger side, carefully trying to keep out of his vista. When she opened the door and slid in beside her, she expected him to flinch or at least to show any reaction to someone entering the car. But he remained motionless, staring straight ahead into the darkening alley.

She slowly leaned over towards him, taking his hand into hers. “Harm,” she whispered.

“You should go, Mac,” was his answer.

“No, I won’t. Not until you hear me out,” she challenged.

“If that’s so, maybe I should leave,” he said bitterly, trying to free his hand without any success. Mac wouldn’t let loose.

“Harm, you can’t tell me that you don’t have doubts,” Mac tried, still clasping his hand. When he did not show any reaction, she carried on. “I can tell you about mine, though. I am afraid, Harm. Afraid that your confusion as you call it has nothing to do with feelings for me. I am afraid that you will one day wake up and realize that what you thought you felt was an illusion, a fidget of your imagination. I am afraid that I am going to lose myself in you, in a relationship with you and that you are going to leave me, break up with me and that I will be all alone again. Harm, it’s not easy for me to open up. Do you have any idea how bad the temptation to drink can be sometimes? I am afraid that if you leave me, if anything will happen to you… it would make me lose that little bit of contral that usually keeps me from falling off the wagon,” she rambled, spilling all her insecurities to him.

Forcing herself to shut up, she waited for any kind of reaction from him.

After a while, he slowly turned, his gaze still haunted. “You’re saying that you don’t want to be with me because you’re afraid that I am going to leave you? That my feelings aren’t true?”

“Yes,” she answered, glad that he had finally understood her.

“Sheesh, Mac,” Harm shook his head, searching for something in his pocket.

Mac looked at him, not sure what was to expect. After he had found what he was looking for, he turned back to her. “Mac, would you please let go of my other hand for a moment?” he smiled.

Doing as he asked, Mac wondered why Harm left the car. Maybe he had to get some fresh air to think clearly. She heard him softly debating with himself, without being able to understand the individual words.

She decided to watch his back that was leaning against the side of the car. Lost in her own thoughts she was startled when his hand reached through the window and held something to her. “Here,” he stated, waiting for her to take it.

Grabbing the object, Mac recognized his cell phone, her brows furrowing in confusion. Deciding to see if anyone was on the other line, Mac tried: “Hello?”

“Sarah, right?” A voice could be heard.

“Yes?” Mac answered, hesistantly. It was definitely a female talking to her. “May I ask who you are?”

“Sure you may, Sarah. My name is Sarah as well, Sarah Rabb. But you can call me Grams.”

“Nice to talk to you,” Mac managed, confused by Harm’s action.

Sarah Rabb came right to the point after the pleasantries had been exchanged. “My grandson told me to rely to you what I’ve told him a long time ago and time and again since that moment.”

“He has?” Mac asked, still doubting the reality of the situation she found herself in.

“He has. Listen, honey, a long time ago, right after the two of you met he started telling me about you. And he hasn’t stopped since. It’s always Mac this, Mac that. It can be tiering at times, I tell you. But from the moment I saw the look in his eyes I knew he had it bad. So you’d better start believing that he’s there to stay, or I will personally kick his behind off this planet.”

“I will be more than happy to help should it ever come to that,” Mac offered, already liking the old lady.

“I am sure you will, darling,” Grams replied. “Now take that grandson of mine off the market, will you? Or do I have to tell Trish to call you and tell her how she came to the conclusion that Harm fell for you?”

“That won’t be necessary, Grams,” Mac quickly uttered.

“Good,” could be heard. “Now I want you to grab that stubborn sailor of yours and keep him. And I expect to see you two soon, no excuses.”

“Aye, ma’am.” Mac replied, sitting a little bit straighter in her seat, as she bid Sarah Rabb goodbye.

As soon as she had disconnected the call, her eyes fell upon Harm, who was leaning into the car, watching her. “So? Believe me now?”

“Smooth, Rabb,” she smiled, “really smooth. Do you always have your Grandma do all the talking for you?”

“It was a first. If it worked I might do it again some time. What do you think, would it look strange if I had her kneel down in front of you and ask you to marry me?”

“It would be creative, that’s for sure, but are you sure she would be able to stay in that position the time it takes me to throttle you and bury the remains?”

“Probably not,” Harm pondered. “So, you’re basically telling me that I’d better not ask you to be my wife?”

“You got it, Harm. You’d better take your time with that one. No asking me tomorrow, or in a week or month. If you ever ask me it’d better be you asking the question, not your grandma. For now I’d say we stop pretending and start to act on whatever that is we discovered.”

“Act? Pretend?” Harm pondered. “I don’t think there is ever such thing as pretending around you.”

“Flattery, Rabb? And next you’re going to tell me that I have beautiful eyes and lips that beg to be kissed, right?”

“I was actually planning on kissing you without any further flattery, but if you want me to…” Harm opened the door and slipped into the seat, closing in on her until their lips were mere inches apart. “Mac, you have beautiful eyes, and… your lips beg to be kissed,” he immitated her voice, trying his best to keep a straight face.

“Say that again and sound as if you mean it,” Mac challenged.

“Shh, don’t spoil it, Marine,” he grinned, as he captured his lips with hers. After a moment, she drew away again, regarding him sternly.

Opening one eye, he frowned at her, “Aren’t you supposed to be here?” he asked sternly.

“Where?” she smiled.

Bringing his hands up to cradle her face, he drew her closer until their lips barely touched. “Here,” he insisted.

She shook her head slightly, “No, but I can show you,” she smiled wickedly; as she parted his lips and let all the passion she felt flow into one kiss.

When they broke apart for air, he smiled at her, “I like the way you think, Marine,” before closing the distance between them again.

“Thought so,” she murmured against his lips before all thoughts left her.

She snuggled deeper into the form beneath her. Trying her best not to fight the cobwebs of sleep and to let them engulf her once more, her ingrained curiosity got the better of her. She couldn’t quite remember when she had felt so very secure. Nuzzling her nose against the scraping warm surface, she slowly became aware of her surroundings. One of his arms was draped across her back, his fingers resting against the side of her breast, the other also held her close, the hand firmly squeezing her behind. She had to remind herself that this had been their way of staying warm in the night. This was just about sharing body heat, nothing more.

She couldn’t help but nuzzle her nose deeper into the crook of his neck, not willing to let too much of the reality of their situation into her foggy mind just yet. She was rewarded with a groan from her sleeping partner, who tightened his hold on her and shifted his head slightly, burying his head in her hair.

Deep inside, she hoped they could stay like this forever, their bodies melted into one another as if desperately trying to be one. Mac was astonished at how much this thought managed to wake her mind and body. But deep down inside she knew there was no way to get Harmon Rabb Jr. to let go of his fears. Smiling against his skin, she decided that it was okay to play with this idea a little and began to kiss his neck.

Once again she was rewarded with a groan. Without opening his eyes, Harm muttered. “Let me sleep, Sarah, just another five minutes, baby.” She chuckled. At least he knew who he was holding in his arms. Had he just called her baby?

“Harm, we gotta get up.” She freed herself from his grasp long enough to slide face to face with him, before he tightened his hold on her again. “Harm, come on.”

He wrinkled his nose as her hair tickled it. “No,” he insisted. His voice had lost some of the sleepiness and could only described as pouting.

“Do I have to start tickling you?” she threatened. He opened an eye in response, regarding her with an amused expression. She met his gaze without flickering, the threat still hanging heavy between them.

With a slight jerk, he rolled them over, until he was covering her body with his. His arms had left her form long enough to pin her down, leaving her immobile and slightly out of breath. “You were saying?” he challenged, dipping his head down to place a kiss first on her forehead, then on her nose, and finally gracing her lips.

“Morning, Mac,” he smiled. “Did you sleep well?”

“I did. But some big oaf decided to take advantage of me and held me close to him, his hands not exactly on appropriate places.”

“I recall some gruffy Marine snuggling into that big oaf nibbling at his neck.”

“You were supposed to be asleep,” Mac choke out, her cheaks blushing.

“With you in my arms? Not likely.”

“Gee, thanks, flyboy. You really do know how to flatter a girl.”

“Seriously, Mac. I haven’t slept that well in ages, I woke up a while ago nevertheless. Sorry if I like having my Marine in my arms.”

Mac smiled up at him, batting her eyelashes. “We can do that on a regular basis, Squid. But for now, as much as I hate to spoil the mood, I got sand in my pants, in my hair, and just about everywhere. And on top of that, before long it’s going to be pretty hot here.”

“Don’t let me stop you.” Harm smiled as she shot him a confused look. “You were talking about getting undressed, weren’t you?”

“Harmon Rabb, Jr., get your mind out of the gutter. I was talking about leaving, trying to find Clay, or anything remotely looking like an American base or patrol.”

Harm sighed, not wanting to move a muscle. “Do we have to?”

She freed her hands to feel his temple, pulling it back as soon as she got into contact with it. She waved it in front of his face as if it got burnt. “Sunstroke. I think you suffered a sunstroke,” she said, while managing to keep a straight face.

“Ma-ac,” he sighed, feigning annoyance, rolling off her reluctantly. “I’m not suffering a sunstroke. I just realized that I like having you close.”

“Harm, this sounds awfully like the talk you promised me a long time ago, and I really want to have that conversation with you, but can we do that while walking? Last time I checked we were lying here in the middle of the Afghan desert. Not my idea of safe territory, so we really should get out of here.”

“Agreed, Colonel,” he sighed, heaving himself up from the ground. Once he stood, he held his hand out to Mac and pulled her up towards him, trapping her in his embrace once again.

“Harm, you alright? You’re scaring me,” Mac said.

“Yes, I’m fine,” he sighed, holding her even tighter to him. “We could have been killed twice yesterday, you know.”

Mac looked up into his eyes, not sure what she was reading there. “But we weren’t.”

“Sometimes I wonder if this-” he gestured all around himself, “is worth all the trouble. Sometimes I wonder what my life would have been like if I had never joined the Navy. You know, would I have a wife and kids already? Would I be deliriously happy?”

“For the record, you’re still scaring me, Counsellor. It wouldn’t be you. The adventure, the near-death-experiences, the flying — it’s all a part of who you are. And we would never have met. I’m pretty sure I don’t like that thought.”

Harm smiled down at her. “Sorry, maybe I really had too much sun, too much adrenaline in my body. And I’m planning to stay unattached, that’s for sure. I’ve got a baby deal to fulfil soon and I won’t have anything get in my way.”

“I’ll count on that, Harm. Now let’s go. We can talk about all that once we’re back home. And don’t you think I won’t bring it up again.”

“One second.” Harm smiled, squeezing her to him once more. He dipped his head down to catch her lips gently with his before he let go, his hand finding Mac’s as he pulled his stunned Marine after him.

Mac tried hard to regain her composure. To say she was shocked by his behaviour would have been an understatement. She was almost certain that the bombs falling around them had finally made him lose his mind. Even if they were alone in this desert they still were officers. Officers didn’t walk around in combat gear holding hands. She had to remind herself then that it could not be called holding hands when one was being dragged along by the other.

Harm only let go of the hand once they approached the search party, remembering military protocol. That did not keep him from watching her closely at all times though. His mind constantly wandering to what might happen back home. He realised with a start that he was not at all scared about it, he was actually looking forward to their talk, more kissing, screaming *I love Sarah* to the world. The thought of her walking down the aisle towards him filled him with a warmth he had not known before and it caused a goofy grin to appear on his features.

Mac, on the other hand, was astonished bordering on scared by his sudden change in behaviour. When she muttered, “Don’t I know,” in reply to Gunny’s fate of loving someone who did not return those feelings, Harm’s head snapped towards her, the grin that had been plastered across his face all day faded, to be replaced with one of astonishment, shock, and what she thought to be hurt.

He searched her face for any indication of whether or not he had heard her correctly. When she did not show any reaction to his scrutiny, he did not press the subject, figuring that there would be time for it later, at latest when back in the US.

When they, finally, had the chance to talk, it was almost time to settle for the night. They had, naturally, been assigned to different tents, Mac was to share with Teresa Coulter, Harm with Victor Gallindez. Both were resistant to part ways again, so they settled for a long talk in Mac’s tent, since Teresa was working overtime on DNA analyses. They sat together on her cot, facing each other. A comfortable silence stretched between them, each lost in thoughts of the other. Harm’s thumbs were drawing lazy circles on the back of her hands, their fingers entwined.

Mac worked hard on stiffling the jawn that, despite her efforts, still escaped. He looked at her in worry. “I should let you sleep, Mac. We will probably have a long day tomorrow and here I am keeping you awake.”

He bent towards her, gracing her lips with a peck. Before he could draw back, her lips responded eagerly, trying to prolong the moment indefinitely. When the need for air broke them apart, they hovered close to each other, their chests heaving with each hurried breath they took.

“Stay,” Mac managed through gasps.

“There’s nothing I’d rather do,” Harm admitted, letting go of her hands to cup her face. “But I can’t,” he added, with regret. “There is so much we still need to talk about, and hotbunking without any reason like preventing hypothermia is more than frowned upon, Mac.”

“I know,” she sighed. “I just happen to like waking in your arms.”

He smiled at her broadly. “Same here, Marine.”

She leaned in for another heated kiss, before lightly pushing him into the direction of the tent’s opening. “Sweet dreams, Sailor. See you tomorrow morning.”

Still smiling, he wished her a good night, adding a “Love you, Sarah.” With that, he turned around and walked out of the tent.

Mac sat and blinked, unable to do anything else for a few minutes while her stomach was busy doing flipflops and her mind running wild, doubting that she actually heard correctly. But when she finally decided she had, a goofy smile spread across her face and she let herself fall onto the bed. Spreading her arms from her, she stomped her feet in no particular rhythm. Harmon Rabb had finally said he loved her.

That was the time she also realized that he had just walked out of the tent without even once looking back, or wait for a reaction. “Damn that man,” she muttered, getting up and storming out after her sailor. She caught up with him just as he was about to enter his tent, grabbing his hand and dragging him in. A swift glance around told her that Victor was not in. Before Harm knew what was happening, she claimed his lips in a passionate kiss, slowly backing him towards his cot. His legs buckled when he came into contact with the cot, letting himself fall backwards.

His arms pulled her on top of him, causing her to squeal in momentary surprise, as she crashed onto him with full force, effectively knocking all air out of him.

Noticing his struggle for oxygen, she halted her assault on his senses for a moment, weaving her hands through his hair. “You know.” She smiled. “That was for walking out on me like that.”

“I should do that more often then,” he chuckled, silencing her reply with another kiss.

“Don’t you dare, Squid,” she growled in a low voice, when he finally let go again. “Love you too, by the way,” she added, while quickly heaving herself up again. Getting up from the bed, she was at the tent’s opening before his mind had registered that she was gone from his arms.

She turned around, winking at him. “Are you going to lie like this forever, or are you actually going to walk me back, Harm,” she teased.

This was all it took to wake Harm out of his stupor. In the blink of an eye he was by her side, claiming her lips with his again. “Stay,” he muttered, repeating her request from before.

“Can’t,” she replied, burying her face in the crook of his neck.

“Then let me,” he suggested, hugging her as close as possible.

“No,” she sighed, “I have to be going. We have all the time in the world, Harm.”

“We do,” he replied with a sigh. “But I still don’t feel like letting you out of my sight, or my arms for that matter.”

“You won’t have to for long. I plan to step into them soon again.”

“And you’d better believe that I will never again let you go.”

“Night, Harm.” Mac smiled, freeing herself from his embrace. She stepped out into the cold immediately, since she knew that if she would give herself the liberty to stay just another second, she would not be able to resist temptation.

“Night, baby,” he muttered, letting go of her.

She smiled at him sweetly, “Just remember that this baby can kick your ass any day.” With that she turned and walked away.

He followed her retreating form with his eyes, until she disappeared into her own tent. Only then he allowed himself to fall back onto his bed, heaving a long sigh of contentment. They finally seemed to be on the right track.

End.

Title explanation: Agens: lat. “the driving force”

From: Starfleed Personnel – Evaluation Department
To: Undisclosed Recipients, USS Voyager crew

Subject: Evaluation Form III, subsection 12, paragraph 3

The following form needs to be filled out truthfully and without reservation. Starfleet will not hold you accountable for its contents.
Please be advised the form must be returned prior to arrival at the nearest starbase.

Kind regards,
Starfleet Personnel, Evaluation Department
S’Por Ritter, Lt. Cmdr.

From: Harry Kim
To: Tom Paris

Subject: Re: Evaluation Form III, subsection 12, paragraph 3

Tom,
Have you read this yet? Are they kidding? I mean, what are we supposed to tell them?
-Harry

From: Tom Paris
To: Harry Kim

Subject: Re: Evaluation Form III, subsection 12, paragraph 3

Harry,
They’ve lost it. I swear I’ve never heard of something like this before. I mean, do they actually read the results and act accordingly, or do they just do it to keep us busy? It’s not that they would actually do something rational and planned, right? Still, I don’t have a clue what to put down.
Tom

From: Tom Paris
To: Chakotay
Subject: Did you get this?

Attachment:

Evaluation.spf (size unknown)

Chakotay,
No idea if they sent you this, but we – Harry and I – thought you should know about it.
They specifically excluded the Captain, but maybe you could do something. Do you think this could have any repercussions on decisions she made?
Let us know if you need help.
Tom

From: B’Elanna Torres
To: Chakotay
Subject: I don’t believe this!

Chakotay,
Tell me they’re joking! I’m not going to talk about the Captain behind her back, especially not to those p’thaks. Bureaucrats!
Are you gonna tell the Captain? I think she should know. And if you’re not going to do it, I will.
B’Elanna

From: Chakotay
To: Kathryn Janeway
Subject: [empty]

Are you free tonight? I think we need to talk about something .
Chakotay

From: Chakotay
To: Tom Paris, Harry Kim, B’Elanna Torres
Cc: Kathryn Janeway
Subject: Evaluation time

Remember all those hours the Captain and I spent doing crew evaluations. This is the Starfleet way of doing one for the commanding officer of a ship. I was surprised to find I was not exluded as well.
It is customary for Starfleet to evaluate the mission using the crew’s comments on their captain. Right before the official briefings start, a summary of those comments is handed to the captain, at which point he or she will be able to explain them.
If you find that other crewmembers are hesitant in replying, please refer them to me.
Chakotay
Who is still familiar with Starfleet protocol

PS: Kathryn, why haven’t you answered my question about dinner? I’ll even cook!

From: Kathryn Janeway
To: Chakotay
Subject: Dinner

I was blissfully oblivious to anything but the hot bubble bath I was enjoying. Now I kind of wish I had drowned in the process. I understand Starfleet’s need to know everything in great detail, but now I’m curious about what they want to know. Do you mind giving me hints? Because there’s not going to be dinner if you don’t.
Kathryn

From: Chakotay
To: Kathryn Janeway
Subject: Re: Dinner

Kathryn,
Are you trying to imply you can resist my cooking? I don’t think so. Of course, if you really are that curious, we could always have a late lunch and go through it all. And, before you mention it, I am not addicted to food or anything. Just trying to get some into you, as usual. You can’t tell me you’ve already eaten today. I have my ways to check that.
Chakotay

From: EMH
To: Cmdr. Chakotay
Subject: Am I non-existent?

Official Complaint
When Starfleet sent evaluations forms to all crewmembers, except our dear captain, did they purposely forget me, or is it just a slight mistake on their side?
Please inform them of my complaint, as I am sure my reply would probably be forgotten.
Your always doting and caring EMH

From: Cmdr. Chakotay
To: EMH
Subject: Re: Am I non-existent?

Doctor,
I’m sure Starfleet didn’t forget you. The form was sent to the whole crew, except Captain Janeway, and since you’re officially listed in the crew’s roster, it should automatically have gone to you too. The fact that it didn’t suggests a glitch in the mail delivery system. Please check with Lt. Torres for further information.
Sincerely,
Cmdr. Chakotay

From: Kathryn Janeway
To: Chakotay
Subject: [empty]

Lunch and dinner? Both on your rations? Not to mention a few cups of coffee to go? Name the place and time and I will be there. Your quarters or mine? Actually I suggest mine, since I’d have to get dressed for anything other than that.
Kathryn

From: Chakotay
To: Kathryn
Subject: Lunch/dinner/breakfast?

You do know I log my padds, right?
Yours,
Chakotay

From: EMH
To: Lt. B’Elanna Torres
Subject: Glitch in the mail delivery system

Lieutenant,
The Commander advised me to approach you about a supposed glitch in the mail delivery system. Apparently, the Starfleet Evaluation Form was sent to everyone but Captain Janeway and me. I’d appreciate your insight on this, and while you’re at it, please send me a copy of the form? I’m confident that my perspective on matters considering the Captain might prove invaluable.
Best regards,
EMH

From: B’Elanna Torres
To: Chakotay
Subject: You owe me big time

Chakotay,
You’re a weasel. In fact, I’d even go so far as to say you’re worse than Tom. How could you send the Doctor to me? There is no glitch in the mail delivery system. But, I’m not going to tell him – you are.
B’Elanna

PS: Don’t even think about ordering me to do it.

From: Kathryn Janeway
To: Chakotay
Subject: Humor me

Try to access your PADD logs.
Kathryn, Captain and capable engineer

From: Chakotay
To: B’Elanna Torres
Subject: Weaseling

B’Elanna,
I’m certainly no weasel. For all I know it could have been a glitch in the system. Who do you contact if you think there is? Simple: you. Now stop moaning, send him the file and blame it on one of your subordinates. It’s the way things work.
Actually, I might need your help on something. I managed to blow my chances on that one happening, right?
Chakotay

From: B’Elanna Torres, in need of godchildren
To: Chakotay, yes I’m looking at you!
Subject: [empty]

Old Man,
You owe me so many things, I have decided to have all of them count towards my new dream.
Inviting the Captain to dinner, Big Guy? Shall I tell Tom to open the betting pool again?
So what do you want me to do?
B’Elanna

From: Chakotay, acknowledging your request
To: B’Elanna, who might turn out to play a pivotal part
Subject: Security coding of personal logs

Attachment:

log1547 B (size unknown)

Be a dear and help me access my own logs again. “Someone” encrypted them.

From: B’Elanna
To: Chakotay
Subject: Re: Security coding of personal logs

Attachment:

log 1547 B

All done. Nice conversation you two were having there. Definitely going to have Tom open those pools. Anything you want to tell me? I really need those rations.
And she didn’t really try hard when encrypting them. Piece of cake
B’Ela

From: Chakotay
To: Kathryn
Subject: [empty]

Thank you very much. You’re sneaky, but I guess I don’t have to tell you that. And you still haven’t answered as to when I should drop by, and most importantly, whether or not to bring a clean uniform.
Chakotay

From: Kathryn Janeway
To: Chakotay
Subject: [empty]

Chakotay,
Dream on. And you can drop by in 10 minutes or so. I am starving. And you really have to keep that imagination of yours in check.
Kathryn

From: B’Elanna
To: Tom
Subject: I want those rations!

Flyboy,
I’d like to be the first to place my bets on betting pool “Hopeless” part 3. Just make sure you put my monthly rations on events 5 and 7 for next week Thursday.
Me.

From: Tom
To: undisclosed recipients
Subject: “Hopeless” part 3
Security Clearance: sandrines
Priority: urgent

My fellow romantics,
Here we go again, and this time our roving reporter has proof of a possible liaison between this bet’s two subjects. We have a definite dinner date, which was arranged over a shared lunch earlier today. My roving reporter claims to have overheard (or over-read as the case might be) the possibility of a shared breakfast, too. Now, we all know this to have happened before, but this time our intrepid Commander was asked to bring a clean uniform.
One slot has been taken already, next Thursday for events 5 and 7, but all the others are still open.
Place your bets!
Tom

PS: As always there is a two weeks ration maximum, and the house only pays when clear proof is provided.

From: Lieutenant Commander Tuvok
To: Commander Chakotay
Subject: Lieutenant Paris’ latest antics

Commander Chakotay,
It is my duty to inform you that Lieutenant Paris is abusing Voyager’s mail delivery system in order to obtain the crew’s replicator rations. Although that would not normally require me to inform you, I believe that in this case it is justified. Apparently Lieutenant Paris’ latest “betting pool” focuses on Captain Janeway and yourself – again.
Lieutenant Commander Tuvok

From: Harry Kim
To: Tom Paris
Subject: Run, and run fast

Tom,
Get your belongings, grab your wife and daughter, and make a break for it. Tuvok is on your scent. Don’t know how or why, but he apparently decrypted your password, and what’s more, he informed Chakotay.
So I repeat: run, and run fast. Miral needs her father.
Harry

From: Kathryn Janeway
To: Chakotay
Subject: Coffee icecream?

Chakotay,
I enjoyed dinner, however short it was. Hope you solved the problem.
How do you feel about dessert, once you’re finished? I have coffee icecream and I could be persuaded to share…
Kathryn

From: B’Elanna Torres
To: Harry Kim
Subject: Re: Run, and run fast

Harry!
Why is my husband packing up all our belongings? Why is he looking like a scared deer caught in headlights? Don’t you have a bridge to command?
B’Elanna

PS: We have you down for Friday morning.

From: Chakotay
To: Kathryn Janeway
Subject: Coffee icecream

I’m about to cut Tom’s head off. Maybe I can borrow B’Elanna’s bat’leth. Normally, I’m not a violent person, I guess, but there are exceptions to that. Coffee icecream sounds great, actually. Hope you don’t mind bloodstains on my shirt. Again, shall I bring a spare uniform?
Chakotay

From: Harry Kim
To: B’Elanna
Subject:

Tell that husband of yours to get out of there as soon as possible. Pissed Commander is on his way. Tuvok managed to spread the word on our little betting pool, so Tom is in deep shit.
Harry

From: Tom Paris
To: Chakotay
Subject: As per your orders

Attachment:

betting_pool_participants_list.txt

Commander,
Since I just disclosed “classified” information, you may want to quit trying to rip my head off. I’m sure there are many, many people standing in line now, thanks to you.
Tom

PS: Sit down before you open the attachment.

From: Commander Chakotay
To: Lieutenant Commander Tuvok
Subject: Re: Lieutenant Paris’ antics

Lieutenant Commander Tuvok,
For future reference, keep your nose out of other people’s business.
Commander Chakotay

From: Starfleet Evaluation Department
To: The Crew, Starship Voyager NCC-74656
Subject: Evaluation of Captain K. Janeway

Attachment:

none

Our apologies for not replying sooner, but we have been busy.
Unfortunately we are not able to send back the evaluation form, because on arrival it was unrecognizably and unreparably scrambled by our mail delivery system.
Once again our sincerest apologies. We will look forward to receiving a new copy once we reach the Alpha Quadrant.

Kind regards,
Lt. B’Elanna Torres
Chief Engineer

From: Chakotay
To: Kathryn Janeway
Subject: Replicate that icecream

Am on my way. Tom’s still alive. He bribed me. Almost there. Hear the doorbell?
Chakotay

From: Kathryn Janeway
To: Tom Paris
Subject: Bring on those rations

Tom,
I’m expecting to receive my win as soon as possible, preferably yesterday.
Captain Kathryn “Don’t Mess With Me” Janeway

From: Tom Paris
To: undisclosed recipients
Subject: We have a winner!

My dear fellow “not so hopeless anymore” romantics,
After close to 5 years of trying to keep the “Hopeless” part 3 betting pool alive, we have finally managed to resolve this one.
Commander Chakotay is the lucky winner! Not only does he get all our rations, he also got his lady. Congratulations, Big Guy, we all know what you need the rations for.
Tom

PS: and Captain, contrary to popular belief, I am innocent!

From: Kathryn Janeway
To: Chakotay
Subject: You sneaky bastard!

What’s mine is mine, and what’s yours is mine too!

She had been awake for some time, but didn’t quite feel like moving. Any kind of movement would involve using a muscle that was buried comfortably under light satin sheets. Even her eyes were kept tightly shut. It was an easy concept, really. As long as she was surrounded by the darkness her lids provided, she was able to pretend that she could stay like this forever. Opening them would mean having to get up sooner or later. Of course, she was well aware that she could not stay in bed until the end of time, but for now, she liked to pretend she could.

She stayed oblivious to the world around her, not bothering with it and the problems it usually brought. For once, she was allowed to be just Kathryn, not the Captain of Voyager. It was a rare occurrence and she never knew how long Kathryn would be allowed to remain, until the Captain took hold of her and pushed her back into her hiding place. The day before Kathryn had been allowed to stay. The woman that laughed and loved; the woman free from the captain’s responsibilities; the woman that enjoyed life; simply: the woman.

With a smile, Kathryn remembered the day before, while sunrays began to filter through her window. She had not noticed them before, but as they warmed her feet and legs, Kathryn realized that it would be only a matter of moments until they reached her face, waking her completely. Groaning, Kathryn rolled to her side, her face nuzzling deeply into the pillow where the sun would not be able to tickle it.

Content to have delayed the inevitable for the moment, Kathryn’s mind drifted away from the present, reliving the day before with all its special moments. It had almost been perfect. Voyager had entered a system of five planets, one of them class M, circling around a yellow dwarf star. Upon entry they had immediately been greeted by the friendly inhabitants of the planet. They generously offered to overhaul Voyager’s systems in a space-dock and went as far as providing shore-leave to whoever wanted to take some time off. Wary at first, Kathryn had finally agreed to the offer that seemed too good to be true.

Many had taken that chance to be greeted by what seemed like paradise. The aliens proved to be as hospitable as she ever thought possible, asking them to stay wherever they wanted to. They took the liberty of providing a huge number of hotel rooms if the crew felt like staying on the planet for the night as well.

Kathryn and many other of her crew had done exactly that, not wanting to leave the magic place. She knew Chakotay was sleeping only as far as next door. A door connected their rooms.

Chakotay.

They had spent the day together, exploring the woods, swimming in the turquoise blue ocean, having a snow fight. They had climbed rocks while chatting about everything but ship business. Breakfast was eaten in a tropic rainforest; they had lunch at the beach and dinner on a wonderful cliff, the ocean before them. The sun had inked the sky into myriad shades of purple and pink, changing the scene that lay before them, constantly until the darkness of night swallowed them. It had been the most beautiful play of colours she had ever witnessed, and thinking back, she still was mesmerised by the sheer beauty of it.

Kathryn wiggled in bed, trying to escape the hot sun for some more time. She was still unwilling to get up or even open her eyes. Chakotay, always the gentleman, had brought her back to her room late the night before. They had stood awkwardly for some time, until he seemed to have gathered enough courage to dip down and softly capture his lips with hers. They only brushed by, a whisper of a touch.

Afraid of how she would react, he had bid her goodbye the second his lips left hers; his breathed words, tickling her lips that still longed for a longer, more intense touch. He had been about to turn away, as Kathryn’s hand on his arm had stopped him. She closed in on him again, kissing him back with passion.

Reluctantly, she broke for air, knowing that she couldn’t allow herself, them, more just yet. “Goodnight, Chakotay,” she managed, as she rose to her toes to give him one last kiss, reminiscent of their first one.

He still was standing in front of her door, dumbfounded and totally shocked, when the door slipped close behind her.

Sleep hadn’t come easily for her that night, and she had lain awake, tossing and turning for a long time. More than once her hand had travelled to her lips that still tickled with the sensations he had caused. When sleep had finally claimed her, the dreams it brought had been charged with the desire she felt for him. No one could be held responsible for one’s dreams and hers had been full of promise and hope.

It had been perfect. Their lovemaking had been slow and gentle, full of promise and whispered words of love. They had promised to never let the other go, never to push away again.

Kathryn sighed dreamingly. She wished she could allow herself to give into him once and forever, finally succumbing to her feelings and to love him freely. With him, she was certain, she would go all the way once she let him in. Marriage, children – if it wasn’t too late for that already.

She knew very well that she couldn’t allow *them* to happen. Sighing deeply, Kathryn buried her face even deeper into the cushions. For only one more day she would have liked to be able to forget about all the worries, all the reasons that kept her from taking that final step. She could get used to the dream-castle she had woven around the beautiful planet. She would give everything for another day like the one before. But reality was that she would not be able to go back to the way things were afterwards.

And she had come to understand that in the world of Kathryn Janeway, may it be imaginary or real, two perfect days in a row were an impossible concept. Something always managed to spoil that second day.

She made a fatal mistake then: She opened her eyes. The sun was already blinding, even though she did not look into it directly. It had already wandered a long way in the sky, shining almost diagonally onto Kathryn. Was it already as late as noon? She wondered, then remembered just how late Chakotay and she had parted the night before. It probably was that late already.

The inevitable moment arrived as Kathryn sat up and decided on a quick shower to start her day. Her eyes barely opened, she made her way to the bathroom, grabbing the coffee cup that was waiting for her on a desk nearby. For a moment she wondered how it had appeared there, but as soon as the smell invaded her senses, the how became irrelevant. The most important thing was that it was there at the moment. She gulped half of it at once, waiting for her caffeine level to return to normal. A little more awake then, she sipped the rest, savouring the bitter taste it brought. It seemed to be genuine coffee, not replicated, since she had always prided herself in knowing the difference.

When she had finally reached the bathroom, she opted for a long relaxing bath in the giant tub she found there. Starting the water, Kathryn noticed a variety of differently scented salts waiting for her. After she had smelled every single one of them, she chose a light rose scented one that had a touch of vanilla to it.

With a long sigh, she finally let herself slip into the water. As the warmth engulfed her, she knew she would have to fight sleep again. This was just too soothing, to comfortable to stay awake for long.

@-;– –;-@

When she finally returned to the main room, she had to resist the urge to fall into bed again which would have ruined the dress she was wearing. The bed looked very inviting even though she felt a little more awake after the long refreshing bath. She might have been feeling a little less dead, but comatose was comatose, wasn’t it? As soon as her eyes fell onto another mug filled with coffee at the same spot the other had been, she cradled it in her arms and sipped slowly.

This time, Kathryn savoured every sip of the liquid. In between gulps, Kathryn walked to the window, watching the beautiful scenery before her. The beach that stretched as far as her eyes could see, was crowded with her crew. Some could be seen swimming, playing beach games, others just lay and enjoyed the early afternoon sun.

Suddenly, Kathryn halted. Not even a breath was heaved as she listened intently. Had that been a noise outside her door? For a moment, it had seemed so. She turned around and slowly made her way to the door, as she continued to listen. There. There it was again.

As she reached it, she touched the panel that made the door slide open. As soon as the two wings had opened enough she poked her head out, quickly scanning both sides of the corridor. There was nothing to be seen, not a single person that could have caused the strange gurgling noise. It had sounded almost as if someone was suffocating.

Her head snapped to the door that connected her room with Chakotay’s. Had she mistaken the direction from where the noise had come? A sudden fear washed over her. She was about to rush next door and check on him, when the sound could be heard again. Kathryn paused in mid-stride and looked down her feet since it seemed to have originated from there.

This was the moment Kathryn thanked the spirits that she hadn’t stepped forward, as she swiftly returned her foot to its prior position. She would have treaded on the gurgling bundle that lay before her, had it not made itself known in time. Slowly, she bent down for a closer inspection.

As she lifted the covers aside, a happy human face came into view. That of a very small human, an infant. It couldn’t have been any older than maybe two or three months, judging by its size. Kathryn inspected the bundle and found no threat to it. She gathered it into her arms then, wondering who might have left an infant at her doorway.

They were far away from Earth and the Alpha Quadrant. How did a human infant get to this planet? She could not remember any of her crew being pregnant, and she was sure she would have been informed.

Her mind was in a whirlwind, trying to make sense of the situation. The aliens, who called themselves the Ventru with their four legs and purple skin did not even remotely resemble humans and, as far as Kathryn could tell, nor did their children. She did not have any real explanation to offer. That, however, did not keep her mind from running through the countless possibilities that popped into her head – from temporal anomalies to parallel worlds and rifts in the time-space-continuum.

But it all came down to one thing – that it was horrible to leave a child. Leaving it for the care of the busiest person possible did not make it better. Kathryn did not have a life; she had a profession, a duty to her crew and her ship that took most of her waking time and the few hours that she slept, she dreamed of working, or so it seemed to her sometimes. In between that, there was no time for Kathryn. She was the captain even in her sleep while Kathryn had to wait for rare days of shoreleave to make an appearance. The ship, albeit the captain, had to come first.

The little one gurgled as it smiled at Kathryn. It’s tiny hand reached out to touch her mouth and finally found Kathryn’s hair, wrapping its fingers around a strand and tugging at it strongly. Kathryn had a hard time freeing it, but finally succeeded. Carefully keeping her hair out of range, she carried the infant into her room for the moment.

She pondered what she was to do now. One thing was for sure; she had to find out who the child belonged to and why it had been deserted in front of her door. It seemed an impossible concept to Kathryn to leave a defenceless being alone at the mercy of strangers, but she knew that it had happened on Earth many years ago, centuries ago. Kathryn had really thought humanity was past such things.

Eager to find some answers, Kathryn cradled the little one closer to her and strode out of the room. She was hoping one of the Ventru would be able to help her and searched corridor after corridor for one of them. She checked everywhere – the lobby, the casino – but the hotel seemed deserted. There was no one to be found in the building.

Frustrated, Kathryn Janeway stormed outside to continue her search. But there was no Ventru to be found. The only living being she encountered were her crew who eyed their Captain warily. They wondered what the bundle in her arms was. The one that made strange noises. One was certain he had heard snoring, the other swore it had burped. Both were not far from the truth. With every passing minute without a trace of the Ventru, Kathryn grew aggravated. No aliens could be found. They seemed to have disappeared from the planet’s surface.

“Janeway to Tuvok.” At his acknowledgement she carried on. “I need you to scan the entire planet for forms of life.”

His stoic reply came almost immediately: “This is unusual,” he stated matter-of-factly, “There is no trace of alien activity on this planet or the station, nor is there any source of life indicating an evolutionary state higher than the equivalent of earth’s primates. Others than Voyager’s crew, of course.”

‘Strange,’ Kathryn wondered to herself.

“Captain, I strongly suggest we cancel shoreleave for now and have the crew return to the ship until we solved this situation.”

“I agree. As I pointed out before, as beautiful as this planet seems to the human eye, it is almost too perfect to be true. Yes.” Kathryn said.

“Captain, I will notify the crew immediately.”

“Thank you, Tuvok. I will pack my few belongings, and then ask contact you again.”

“Aye, Captain. Voyager out.”

Kathryn did as she had told Tuvok, and, about ten minutes later, she was all packed and ready to leave, the bundle on her arms. Tapping her combadge, she asked for a beam-out for two to sickbay.

@-;– –;-@

As the blue shimmer of the transporter beam caught her, dissipating her molecule by molecule, only to rebuild her in the middle of sickbay, Kathryn already dreaded the moment she had to face Tuvok and his inquisitive questions. Why a beam-out for two?

The Doctor was already waiting for her with his usual “Please state the nature of the emergency.”

“A child,” Kathryn answered matter-of-factly.

“A child,” the Doctor repeated, seemingly puzzled. Watching his captain in disbelief, he then tried to see what, she was carrying.

Kathryn unfolded the bundle a little to let him have a peek at the little one. “A child.”

“Why? How?” Voyager’s EMH exclaimed. as he took the infant from Kathryn’s arms. studying the child intently for anything out of the ordinary.

“Someone discarded it in front of my door,” Kathryn explained as she followed him through the room towards one of the biobeds. With a few modifications, two barriers slid into place, turning the bed into a makeshift crib. The Doctor couldn’t keep his eyes on the child all the time.

“Abandoned?” he asked as he rested the child into the modified bed, grabbing a medical tricorder and running it over the infant for a first diagnosis.

“Her medical condition seems to be excellent. She is a human baby, aged three months, maybe four. She is fine though a bit small for her age. Her mother must have been small as well,” he concluded. “But a human? Forgive me, Captain, but what does a human child do on a planet in the Delta Quadrant? It’s not that any of the crew has been or is pregnant.”

“I am just as clueless as you are, Doctor.” Kathryn assured. “But I will have everyone look into it. It’s a riddle I want solved. Your job is to make sure this child is what it seems to be,” Kathryn explained, watching the infant with a small smile. She focused her attention on the little one, who was gurgling happily.

The Doctor noticed the rapid change in his Captain. From one moment to the next one, she seemed to have forgotten everything around her, except for the infant. He sighed, wondering just what strange fascination those small beings held.

Of course, being a Doctor, he knew the answer to that question: A Konrad Lorenz had already explained it centuries ago. The so-called baby schema evoked the behaviour patterns of caring for young and the affective responses. In short: round features, big eyes, proportionally big head. He was glad he was immune to such charms.

Kathryn, meanwhile, smiled warmly. The adorable little thing was a girl. The Captain’s eyes were fixed on the perfect face. It was framed by short chestnut brown hair, the eyes deep pools of blue. Kathryn already could spot tiny freckles grazing the child’s nose and cheeks. She remembered how much she had hated hers. Even now, she used makeup mainly to make them disappear. A captain with freckles certainly wasn’t an option.

The Doctor pulled her out of her reverie. “Captain, you can leave for now. Your presence will not be required. The examination will take a while, especially the DNA testing. Until then there is nothing here to do for you but stand in my way.”

“I am still officially off duty even if I am not planet-side anymore.” Kathryn answered, still not looking up at him.

“Captain?” He asked, his mouth agape. “I said: no. I am going to stay here. The real mystery is that this child suddenly appeared in front of my room, in the Delta Quadrant.”

“…your time would be better spent on the bridge searching for an explanation,” the EMH finished for her.

“No,” Kathryn insisted, frowning at him. He really could be annoying sometimes. Most of the times, she corrected herself. At least he had developed some kind of beside manner by now. He wasn’t perfect, but there was a noticeably improvement.

“Fine, just don’t be in my way,” the Doctor growled, making it clear who was the boss in this room. His head snapped to the opening door. Sighing in frustration, the EMH shot the entering Chakotay a glare, then busied himself with his work.

Tuvok had informed Chakotay of the captain’s unusual request for a medical beam-out as soon as he had returned to Voyager. His curiosity had gotten the better of him, and he couldn’t help but join his Captain in sickbay.

“Kathryn?” He asked, concern evident in his voice, wincing inwardly as he saw that although the Doctor pretended to be buried in his work he was, as usual, eavesdropping.

Janeway groaned silently and rolled her eyes at Chakotay, as she noticed the slip. There was nothing worse than a Doctor searching for new topics to gossip about. And by the way he seemed to be completely oblivious to their conversation, he was listening closely to every word being said. She took a deep, calming breath, then glared at him. It was a common fact that Chakotay was the only one aboard to call her Kathryn, but it was also well-known that it occurred mostly in private. She glared at him as she asked, “Chakotay, any particular reason for being here?”

The commander tried to hide his chuckle, and almost succeeded, only to transform the sound into a strange gurgle. Kathryn nevertheless shot him another glare that could kill any honest man.

“Tuvok told me you brought a visitor with you?” He inquired, looking around for any proof of life, but finding none.

Kathryn stepped aside.

“Kathryn,” he managed, “That is a child.”

“Oh come on, that’s obvious, Chakotay,” Kathryn teased, silently feasting over his reaction. “Everyone can see that.”

Chakotay still stood without moving. “I mean, whose? And why? And why did you hide that from me? I mean, I was on the planet as well, you could have contacted me. I was only as far as next door.”

Kathryn smiled at him apologetically, then sighed, “It never even occurred to me. I mean, it all happened so very sudden. Before I knew it, I was back on Voyager. And you know as well as I do that I could never hide anything from you for long. Whatever I do, you find it out anyway.”

“Might be,” Chakotay snickered. Inwardly, he added, ‘I wish’

The Doctor made a mental note into his subroutines to once again investigate the nature of their relationship further, while he awaited the results of the DNA analysis. Although, techniques had evolved from those used back in the 20th and 21st centuries, it still took a few minutes to get accurate results.

The easy banter exchanged with Kathryn had brought Chakotay out of his stupor and he walked over to the biobed the girl was resting on, whose eyes followed him. When he was hovering over her, she stretched her chubby arms in his direction, silently demanding to be pulled up into his arms. Chakotay smiled, fondly, then turned towards the Doctor. Pulling the EMH out of his musings, he gestured towards the child and asked: “May I?”

“Of course,” he granted, somewhat astonished the Commander had cared to asked for permission. “Just don’t run away with her,” he added.

“Her?” Chakotay smiled a dazzling smile, as he carefully lifted the girl into his arms. He cradled her close to him, seeing that he always supported the fragile neck. Soon enough he was cooing over the little one, singing a song to her in his native tongue.

The child reacted with delight, smiling up at him broadly. Never averting her beautiful blue eyes from him, she gurgled as he made funny faces at her.

Kathryn smiled as she watched the two of them, noting just how much of a natural father Chakotay seemed to be. The little one gurgled again, trying to touch Chakotay’s face with her little fingers. She managed to catch the only thing she could get a hold on – his nose, pulling at it hard. Chakotay winced for a second before the broad smile returned. He looked up long enough to silently beg Kathryn to save him.

“Now now, little girl,” Kathryn scolded the infant lightly, as she crossed the distance between them. “Don’t make Uncle Chakotay’s nose longer than it already is.” Smiling, she tried her best to get the tiny fist to let go. The baby only gave up when she found another target. She wrapped her delicate fingers around Kathryn’s thumb, squeezing it with a force that astonished Kathryn.

“You don’t like my nose, Kathryn?” Chakotay teased, his eyes sparkling, as he watched the two of them closely.

“Well, you should have stopped the boxing before you broke it,” she raised her hand to trace the bump in his nose, but pulled back just before she touched it. They were still in a public place, after all. “I thought surgery was far enough to prevent those kind of bumps.”

“Try growing up where I did, Kathryn,” he answered. “My nose was taped and healed. No need for surgery. I always thought the nose gave me an aristocratic touch.”

Kathryn snorted, then shook her head in disbelief. What was she doing? She was outright flirting with her First Officer in front of the Doctor. She had so easily slipped back into the banter and constant flirtation of the night before. She could not allow herself that liberty while she was aboard Voyager.

Chakotay noticed the change in Kathryn’s behaviour, from playful and flirting to serious in a matter of seconds. He had seen it many times, more often than he cared to remember. She was trying to force herself to become the Captain, or was the Captain trying to shove Kathryn back to her hiding place? He didn’t know which was the right way to define what was happening, but Chakotay knew he wanted to try to prevent the transition.

Before he could say anything, the Doctor disturbed them. “Captain, can I talk to you alone for a moment?” Gone was the chance to keep Kathryn with him just a little longer.

Kathryn looked up at the hologram. “Sure, if I manage to free myself from this little lady’s death grip.” She smiled, while Chakotay tried his best to make his own thumb as attractive as possible for the girl. She finally was persuaded and let go.

“My office?” the Doctor proposed. “Sure,” Janeway agreed.

The Doctor glared at her retreating back. “She’s not leaving the girl alone with me, but she doesn’t even turn back once her Chakotay is there to take care of the infant,” he muttered under his breath.

@ -;– 2 –;- @

As the doors to the Doctor’s office closed behind them Kathryn turned around and nodded to indicate that she was ready to hear what he had to say.

“I am not sure how to phrase this, Captain,” he fidgeted, not meeting the Captain’s eyes, but staring at the PADD he held in his hands. His knuckles were white with the pressure he aligned to it, trying to hold onto something.

Noticing his obvious discomfort and fear, Kathryn’s brow furrowed. This could not be good. She braced herself for the worse. Was the child a Q in disguise? Or did she carry a deadly virus that would obliterate everyone on Voyager? The sudden panic was quickly replaced by the reminder that the during a transport a medical check was standard procedure. Had the child posed any medical threat it would only have materialized in the safe confinements of a forcefield. “Well, Captain…” The Doctor tried again.

“Just go ahead and say it, Doctor. Whatever it is, I can handle this,” Kathryn urged on, quickly losing her patience with him.

“The child. The DNA testing came back,” he began.

“Yes?”

Noticing that his captain was quickly running out of patience, the EMH opted for the quick and honest explanation, even if that meant losing his holographic head. He stated: “You are the mother.”

“Pardon me?” Kathryn blinked.

“You are the genetical mother of this child. I know this is impossible, but you are the mother, Captain. This girl is yours.”

Kathryn blinked again, not believing a word he was saying. “Doctor, this is not funny. You can save your sick jokes for someone else. I am in no mood to be fooled and this certainly is no situation for sick jokes,” she hissed.

“Captain, I assure you, I checked these results countless times. I used different tricorders, had the computer analyze it time and again. This is without doubt your child. The father is-”

“Doctor,” Kathryn’s voice sounded strained. “This is impossible. These results cannot be accurate. There must be a mistake with the computer, maybe you made a mistake…”

“I know it is impossible, Captain, but you should have learned by now that nothing out here is impossible. Do you want to know who the father is?” The Doctor asked, not without a hint of a smile in his voice.

Kathryn closed her eyes and forced her head to nod. Her knuckles turned white with the pressure she aligned to the backrest.

It seemed an eternity until the Doctor spoke. “Commander Chakotay.”

Kathryn blinked. Her hands hurt with the pressure aligned to the chair, but she was beyond registering such minor things as pain. She was in a state of deep shock, just standing there, trying to keep her balance, occasionally blinking just to indicate that she was still alive. Was she breathing? She didn’t know, didn’t care. All that mattered right now was a single sentence: Chakotay was the father of her child, their child.

She did not know if she should laugh or cry. Should she be pleased with it? Should she be scared? And how did it happen? This was what bothered her the most. Something must be wrong with the computers, with the Doctor, this could not be true. Maybe she was still dreaming and this was just another of her strange nightmares. In any way, this could not be true.

“But….” she desperately tried to form a question.

“Yes, I know. The two of you never have sexual relations and you never were pregnant, Captain. And don’t ask, I do not have a clue,” the Doctor was rapidly losing his patience.

“You’re out of line, Doctor,” Kathryn snapped, sending a glare his way, before her thoughts reclaimed her full attention.

After a while Kathryn became aware of something nudging her. It took some time, but finally Kathryn realized it was the Doctor and looked up to acknowledge him. “Yes, Doctor?”

“I know you’re asking yourself how this could happen. And I have to tell you that I do not have any idea. I suppose you could inform the senior crew and tell them to find a solution, an explanation, but I am rather sure you wouldn’t want to tell them every single detail just yet.”

“Indeed,” Kathryn agreed dryly. “What do you suggest?”

“Tell them the story: tell them you found a human infant in front of your hotel room and that you would like an explanation for that. For now I would not mention the parentage. My results should be confirmed before you break the news to anyone.”

“That could work,” Kathryn pondered, getting more and more focused by any passing second. And then the Doctor had disappeared from the room. Blinking, Kathryn tried to find an explanation, as she heard voices outside the EMH’s office. She leaned against the doorframe, watching the scene unfold before her.

@-;– –;-@

The EMH took the child from Chakotay’s arms to lay her back onto the makeshift crib. Chakotay protested, but was silenced by the Doctor’s stern look. Still, he was reluctant to let go, his eyes never leaving the little child even after he hadn’t had any choice but to release her. They remained connected, as the infant held on to Chakotay’s thumb, her own in her mouth, happily sucking away.

The Doctor frowned, as he started the DNA analysis anew, this time the old fashioned way, slicing it with specific enzymes and comparing the resulting bands with those of the captain and the commander. He would have to prove the parentage of this child without the slightest doubt to convince the captain. The EMH himself had to admit that he was curious about the outcome. Unfortunately the results would not give him a hint as to how the child came to being.

He only regretted the amount of time he would have to invest in this analysis, since there was no way to speed up the progress. The gel was ideally mended together and the enzymes were also working at their optimal temperature. He would have to sit back and wait while the Captain was blankly staring ahead from his office and the Commander was completely taken by his daughter, without actually knowing she was his.

Meanwhile Chakotay felt as if he was being watched. He focussed his attention from the little bundle in front of him to the window to the Doctor’s office. He could see Kathryn standing behind it, observing everything, seemingly deep in thought. Why did she stand there unmoving? What had the Doctor told her to cause her looking so very lost and deep in thought?

Deciding, that he needed to find out, Chakotay extracted himself from the girl’s grip and made his way to the office.

@-;– –;-@

Kathryn didn’t acknowledge him when he entered the Doctor’s office. She just kept staring outside, her eyes focussed on a far wall, obviously deep in thought. To get her attention, Chakotay placed a hand on her forearm.

Taking some time to refocus her attention, Kathryn turned around, her eyes haunted with something he couldn’t quite place. “Kathryn, are you all right?” He asked worriedly.

“Yes,” she replied after a while. “I just can’t make sense of it all.”

“I understand,” he smiled reassuringly, holding her gaze with his. “What are we going to do now?”

“Call a briefing, I guess,” she sighed in defeat. “I don’t know, I need an explanation for it all.”

He asked the question she dreaded most. “Do you have any idea who her parents are, yet, Kathryn? Is she healthy? What did the Doctor tell you?”

Her eyes snapped close. “Chakotay, I have to stomach this first. I promise to tell you soon, but for now, it’s just so strange that I need to have it confirmed.”

“And you want to talk to her parents first. I can understand this, Kathryn. How did they manage to keep the pregnancy a secret? When did this happen? And why did they leave it at your door? It’s confusing.”

“It’s one great puzzle. I agree. Maybe some of the crew can come up with something,” Kathryn proposed, her gaze wandering back to the child.

He nodded in agreement, his hand on her back.

She took a deep breath, tapping her communicator. “Senior staff report to the conference room in 10 minutes.”

“We’d better be on our way, Chakotay,” she smiled up at him. How was she going to explain to him that he was a father? How to tell him they had an adorable little girl together? How to tell him when she couldn’t believe it herself? But maybe, just maybe there was still hope that it all was a big mistake. The DNA match might have been a mistake, there were so many factors to consider.

She was still deep in thought when he led her out of the door, asking the Doctor to keep an eye on the girl for now.

@-;– –;-@

As they reached the conference room, the rest of the senior staff was already present and waiting for them. Tom Paris had a noticeably smirk covering his face, Tuvok expressed puzzlement, an achievement for the normally stoic Vulcan. B’Elanna seemed worried. Harry showed nothing but curiosity.

Every eye rested on the Captain, following her form until she took her place at the head of the table.

“You might have heard about the incident on the planet. If not, I found a baby at my doorway this morning. When I tried to ask the aliens about it, they were all gone. As it turned out, this baby is definitely human, the parentage is yet to be confirmed. The Doctor is working on the DNA analysis now. What I want to know is what occurred on this planet? Why did the aliens disappear and where the are they?”

She turned to the Vulcan, “Tuvok, I’d like you to ask all crewmembers that were ashore to report anything unusual that happened. Any clue as to how the aliens disappeared is welcome. B’Elanna, Harry, Seven, I need you to scan the planet and more importantly check the scans of the previous 24 hours or so for anomalies. Tom, just stay in orbit right now and don’t crash the ship,” Kathryn grinned. “That’s all, people, I suggest we meet again in a few hours. Dismissed.”

As they all strolled out of the room, the Doctor called for Kathryn’s attention. She tapped her combadge, gesturing for Chakotay to stay behind. Being his nosy usual self Tom walked a little more slowly, trying to get as much of the Doctor’s report as possible.

“Captain, I got the results of the gel-electrophoreses here. You can be glad that it accelerated by now. Do you want to come to sickbay for the results or should I just tell you?”

“Doctor, I don’t have time for you trying to wheedle out of an answer again. Just tell me, did the results confirm the earlier ones?”

A swallow could be heard. “Yes, captain. The parentage was confirmed.”

“Thank you, Doctor. Janeway out,” Kathryn answered, her voice sounding strained. Without turning to the door, she added: “Paris, out. I dismissed you a while ago, if I recall correctly. And keep out of sickbay for today. No snooping around, do you hear me?”

The only answer she got was the hiss of the closing door. Shaking her head in annoyance, Kathryn turned to Chakotay.

@-;– –;-@

“Commander Tuvok to all hands. This is of concern for all those who took shore leave. You are to prepare a detailed report of anything unusual you encountered. Hints as to where the aliens have disappeared to are appreciated. I expect the first reports to be sent to the captain within the next hour. This matter is of utmost importance. Tuvok, out.”

Tuvok leaned back in the Captain’s chair, alert as usually. A few minutes later, the Captain’s voice got his attention.

“Janeway to Tuvok.”

“Tuvok here,” he acknowledged. “What did you do to the crew, Tuvok? The first reports already arrived.”

“I made clear that it is of grave importance that the crew hurries.”

“I heard the announcement, Tuvok. I just didn’t realize they scare that easily. Thank you, Commander. Janeway out.”

Tuvok’s eyebrow rose. It certainly had not been his intention to scare anyone.

@-;– –;-@

When Kathryn cut the connection, she turned to Chakotay again. Smiling at him, she motioned for him to follow her to the ready room. To avoid the bridge and the crews’ prying eyes, she stormed out of the door that lead them to the corridor.

As they arrived in her ready room, she asked him to have a seat, “Coffee?” she added, while she made her way to the replicator.

“Yes, please. So that’s it? You woke up, heard a voice and there she was, lying in front of your door?”

“Basically, yes. I gave in to the temptation and had a soak in the bathtub in between,” she grinned, as she handed him a cup and sat down next to him, resting her feet on top of the table with a sigh.

“Sounds like you,” he answered, taking a sip of the hot liquid.

“We should go through the reports. With Tuvok’s little speech we’re soon to be swamped with them.”

“I agree,” Chakotay sighed. “Which one do you want first? I have Naomi Wildman and Megan Delaney so far. With all the senior officers crowding astrometrics, she must have seen a welcome excuse to flee.”

“What a tough choice. Naomi for me,” Kathryn grinned.

He looked at her with a stern face. “I knew you would take the fun report.”

“We’re talking about one of the Delaney sisters, Chakotay. I am sure it will have several encounters with handsome, drool-worthy aliens. Interesting reading material, if you ask me,” Kathryn teased. “Wanna switch?” He grinned back, his dimples showing.

“Nah,” Kathryn leaned back and began to read.

@ -;– 3 –;- @

Kathryn’s brow furrowed in concentration as she read one particular part over and over again. “Chakotay, this is interesting. She is talking about the greatest day with her mum and Neelix and is rambling on forever with the details. But this is strange. She says she had a dream about meeting her father. They talked for hours and she rambles on that he is a really nice man, a little on the scary side at first, but nevertheless very loving. She says he loves her a lot and misses her and that the crewmembers’ families are well and all accounted for. She continues about him giving her a little pendant, with a picture of himself and her mother on their wedding day inside. She says that it really is beautiful, and that she could show it to us, if we wanted. She also states that when she woke up again, he was gone. What about this strikes you as odd, Chakotay?”

Chakotay crooked his head to one side, regarding her. “Didn’t she say it was a dream?”

Kathryn nodded.

“Then how can she still have the pendant?” Chakotay asked.

“Exactly,” Kathryn smiled, glad that he came to the same conclusion she did. “How should we proceed? Question Naomi?”

“Not at this point, I’d say. Let’s note it and read on. Maybe we’ll come across something similar,” Kathryn proposed. “Anything interesting in Megan’s report?”

“If you think lying around the beach flirting with men all day interesting. I have to say, I am close to falling asleep over it.”

Kathryn snatched the PADD from him, “Chose the next one, Chakotay, I’ll finish this one.”

He flashed her a big, thankful smile, then took another one from the ever-growing pile in front of them to which Tuvok added every few minutes. “Tom Paris’s report. Great. Just great.”

Looking up from her reading material, Kathryn regarded him. “She’s just more or less admitting that she tried to bed one of the aliens, who insisted on them getting to know each other better. Chakotay, and you are telling me this isn’t interesting.”

“I must have dozed off before that part,” he answered lightly, “You going to have her head for that?”

“No, we all are human after all.”

Chakotay frowned when he focussed back on his report. “You won’t like this, Kathryn,” he stated.

“What is it, Chakotay?” She asked, leaning dangerously close.

Taking a deep breath, his voice was strained when he answered. “Tom is describing a day of meeting us over and over again. He describes us as cosy to downright all over each other.”

“You going to have his head for that?” “You can bet on that. Though, I really had a great day,” he said out loud.

@-;– –;-@

Meanwhile, in sickbay, the Doctor came to know why children were often described as a nuisance. The girl was wailing non-stop, interrupted by fits of crying. He had tried everything from feeding to cleaning her. He even tried singing, but she had done her best to beat him in volume.

There was nothing he could do to soothe her. Just switching himself off started to sound like a better idea with every passing second. If it weren’t for his ethical subroutines, he might have done so by now. But they told him that a baby should not be left alone. He scooped her into his arms and started to walk with her, rocking her back and forth. She would not calm. He wondered what else there was he could do. Sedate her? Check if anything was wrong with her? He knew she was a perfectly healthy baby. And sedating her? His ethical subroutines didn’t like that idea as well. There was only one option left.

@-;– –;-@

“What do you mean, looking at the readings is irrelevant?” B’Elanna spat. Her fists were clenching and unclenching in a futile attempt to calm herself. She knew exactly why she hated working with that… Ex-drone. Her personality, or lack thereof. She seemed to have a unique talent to nag at whatever bit of patience B’Elanna owned. By now that trait had diminished considerably, being at the verge of nothingness.

In short: B’Elanna was about to explode.

Harry, who knew the telltale signs of impending crisis, had gone into hiding long ago, sitting more or less crouched at a console as far away from the two women as possible. His body tensed, as he was ready to duck out of the way in a matter of seconds, should a certain Ex-Borg come flying.

“It is,” Seven replied coolly, evenly matching the half-Klingon’s gaze. She didn’t know fear, Harry had to admit, though he wasn’t quite sure if Seven was enormously brave or just unbelievably stupid and naive.

“And do you care to tell me why you think that?” B’Elanna growled. “It is irrelevant since it is highly improbable that we will see anything this time my enhanced vision and mind hasn’t grasped the last time we studied the data,” Seven explained, not without a certain amount of smugness. “Harry, did you hear that? Did this P’Tak just indicate that I am stupid?”

The Ensign decided that this was a good time to become invisible. Unfortunately he still had not figured out how to pull that trick, so he resorted to the task of figuring out just how far one could crouch into a console.

When it was obvious that Harry wasn’t taking any sides, B’Elanna turned her attention to Seven again. “Seven, what happened to teamwork. To us trying to find a solution together?” She spat.

“This is ineffective,” Seven explained, “If you would allow me..”

Harry sighed as he watched the two women. Seven was a very lucky woman. Lucky to still be alive, that was. Shaking his head, he tried to block out the voices that boomed through the room and concentrate on his work. Why did the captain assign the three of them to this task? He and Seven were capable of working together. B’Elanna and he made a really good team. But, tossing these two women together on one mission made it a dangerous one.

@-;– –;-@

Kathryn leaned back in her chair, throwing her napkin on top of her plate. “I think I’ve never been that full,” she declared, patting her stomach to emphasise her point.

They had retreated to the more comfortable surroundings of her quarters for a late lunch. Chakotay smiled at her teasingly. “I think you ate more than I have ever seen. Impressive, Kathryn.”

She glared at him. “Are you telling me that I am getting too fat, Commander? If so, stop making me eat.”

“Not planning on that, Kathryn. You need to gain some weight.”

She glared at him. “I do not. Who made you the boss anyway?”

“I care for you, Kathryn. And if you don’t eat and sleep enough, I will feed you and tuck you into bed,” he smiled.

“I don’t stand a chance, do I?” At Chakotay’s nod, she sighed and tossed another report his way. “Read,” she ordered. They had made it through the majority of reports already, searching for strange things and finding countless examples.

They were deeply engrossed in reports, when the Doctor disturbed them. “Doctor to Janeway,” his strained voice whined.

“Go ahead, Doctor.”

“May I remind you that sickbay was never meant to be a nursery. I’m a Doctor, not a nanny. I suggest you pick up the girl and take care of her, she is-”

“Doctor, I will be right there. Janeway out.” Turning to Chakotay, she shrugged. “Accompany me?”

He got up, holding his hand out to her. “Certainly.”

Taking it, she let herself be heaved up to her feet. “The doc is close to a nervous breakdown, isn’t he?”

“Yes, did you hear the little one wailing in the background?” He grinned, as they made their way to the turbolift.

“That’s my girl,” Kathryn grinned proudly. “I wonder what else she can be taught given a little time.”

“I don’t want to imagine that one,” Chakotay replied with an evil gleam in his eyes that betrayed his words the moment they left his mouth.

@-;– –;-@

As soon as the sickbay doors slid shut behind them, the Doctor was standing right in front of them, his pose and his demeanour showing nothing but utter despair. “Captain, Commander. So nice of you to join me already. There is a child waiting to be taken with you. A very very very loud child I might add. There was nothing I could do to soothe this little devil.”

Kathryn patted his shoulder to console the Doctor. “I am sorry, we were pretty busy solving this mystery.”

The EMH nodded understandingly, “Did you get any closer to the solution?”

“Maybe. Doctor, I need you to check every crewmember that went on shoreleave. We got a very interesting tale of Naomi meeting her father and having proof for it, since he gave her a little pendant.”

“Temporal rifts, anomalies. disturbances and the like?” “Indeed. Just check for anything unusual. We need to find out what’s behind all this.” Kathryn urged.

“Starting with Naomi Wildman, I gather,” the Doctor pondered.

“Yes, Doctor,” Kathryn agreed, gesturing Chakotay to get the wailing child.

“Just one question, Captain. If there were no traces on mystery girl, why should there be on Naomi or any other crewmember for that instance?”

“Humour me, Doctor and just do it.” Kathryn smiled sweetly.

Chakotay joined her again, cradling the little girl close to his heart, who had stopped wailing as soon as she had felt his arms encircling her. She now lay with her eyes closed, one hand encircling his thumb, the other buried into her mouth, suckling gently on it.

“She seems to like you, Commander. Be glad,” the Doctor observed, rewarded with a stern glance from Kathryn. Understanding that she had yet to tell him, he shut up, holding her glance. Answering his unspoken question, she said: “Soon, Doctor. Now excuse us, we have a ton of reports waiting for us.”

The Doctor nodded, “I will brief you, should I get anything unusual.”

“Thank you, Doctor,” she smiled, gesturing for Chakotay to go ahead. Following him out of the door, they made their way back to her quarters, ignoring the curious glances from Voyager’s crew.

@-;– –;-@

Harry had by now managed to successfully block out any noise the two still produced from time to time. They had more or less agreed on working for themselves, once in a while exchanging rather unpleasant exclamations about their situation. Snide comments by Seven were countered with Klingon swearing from B’Elanna.

Despite all those interruptions Harry had found something interesting, yet was reluctant to tell the others about it. After all, he valued his life, even if his record seemed to indicate the opposite.

Gathering all his strength, he straightened, but couldn’t help but feel a little bit like he did when he first came aboard. Back then he had been afraid that the Captain would have his head at his first mistake. Given time, he had learned that she was not that kind of person. The same time had taught him that B’Elanna Torres was.

“Ladies, could you lend me an ear for a second?” He tried the gallant approach which seemed to work. Both of them were looking over his shoulder in a matter of seconds. “See that energy fluctuation in the sensor readings? It is barely noticeable. It seems that we were scanned upon entry to this system. A moment after that one, there is another one, seemingly coming from the planet we encountered. And just last night there is another one about the estimated time the aliens disappeared.”

B’Elanna smiled at him – her first genuine smile since they had entered the lion’s den. “Good work, Harry,” she patted him on the shoulder. “Now we only have to locate the source of this energy fluctuations and we will hopefully have the reason for those strange things that happened.”

Seven wisely chose not to commend. Harry, for his part, was very glad about that.

@-;– –;-@

Kathryn tossed yet another PADD in the direction of the table in front of her. Her daughter was laying sprawled across her stomach. Her daughter? She marvelled at the strangeness of the word. Was this really her daughter? Their daughter? And she still hadn’t told him. A pang of guilt surged through her. She had decided that it was best if she herself learned to deal with the news before she told him, but she wondered if that decision had been wise.

Chakotay was enthralled with the picture before him, unable to pry his eyes away. It was a perfect picture, Kathryn carrying a baby, totally at ease. If only the child could be theirs, he thought, it would be a dream come true. He forced himself to concentrate on the PADD that lay in his hands. It was hard, but eventually he managed.

Kathryn noticed his attention with a smile. Maybe, just maybe everything would turn out right. Maybe the child was indeed theirs and would not disappear again. Maybe it would not be taken from them again. She had to admit to herself that she had always wanted children, but being the captain and all, had never had the time to actually go for it. The lack of the right man had also been hindering.

But now the chance seemed to offer itself to her and she was tempted, very tempted to grab it. Her musing was interrupted by the stirring of the little girl. She seemed to be searching for something, Kathryn observed. It quickly became obvious when she settled against her breast, searching for the nipple.

“Chakotay?” There was urgency in her voice.

“Yes?” His eyes immediately snapped up to meet hers.

“She is hungry. Could you replicate me a bottle with baby milk?” She asked.

He jumped up and was in front of the replicator in no time, ordering the milk. As soon as it had shimmered into existence, he grabbed it and handed it to Kathryn, sitting down close to her. “Here you are.”

Kathryn carefully extracted the girl from the death grip she had on her hair, and cradled her in her arm, holding the bottle in the other.

Chakotay smiled at that scene. “May I?” He asked, gesturing towards the bottle.

“Certainly,” Kathryn smiled, handing it to him.

After testing the temperature of the milk on his wrist, Chakotay wrapped his arm around her shoulder in order to be as close as possible to have the ideal angle to feed the child, or so he told himself, then offered the nipple to the infant, who started sucking enthusiastically.

Both were enthralled by the beauty of the scene that lay before them. Kathryn’s head came to rest on his shoulder. Sighing contently, she had to admit to herself that she could definitely get used to this little family, to just sitting content like this.

With every passing minute, the girl’s eyes drifted a little more shut. Finally, when she stopped sucking, Chakotay carefully extracted the bottle from her mouth and sat in onto the table, retrieving two new PADDs, while Kathryn made the little one burp. That accomplished, they settled back against each other, the child now resting against Kathryn’s chest again. Handing her one of the PADDs, he smiled, as her head dropped back to where it had previously been.

Content with the world around him, Chakotay started reading again.

After a while they were interrupted by the Doctor’s loud voice booming over the intercom. Kathryn tapped her combadge immediately. “Hush, Doctor,” she hissed. “She just fell asleep. Don’t you dare make any loud noises.”

Chakotay had to grin at that, which earned him a stern glance. Luckily, the little girl was oblivious to her surroundings and never once stirred. “I am sorry to interrupt you, Captain, but I checked the first crewmembers, beginning with Naomi Wildman. I haven’t found anything unusual, but they all seemed to be very content and at ease with the world around them. They had some interesting stories to tell. All agreed that their most heartfelt dream had come true.”

“Well, we’re still in the Delta Quadrant, so mine obviously hasn’t,” Kathryn mumbled under her breath.

“May I suggest a meeting of the senior officers, Captain?” The EMH carried on.

“Agreed, Doctor. Janeway out.” Turning to Chakotay she gestured towards the child resting securely in her arms. “Could you do me a favour and contact the officers? I don’t want to wake her up.”

“Aye, ma’am,” he grinned at her, leaning down to brush a kiss across her lips, after he had extracted himself from her. After kissing the child’s back of the head, he straightened himself and went into the captain’s bedroom for some privacy. This way, he told himself, he wouldn’t disturb the girl.

Kathryn just sat, dumfounded, staring after him in disbelief. Had he kissed her, or had that been her overactive imagination? If the tingling she still felt on her lips was any indication, the kiss had been for real. Chaste, but very real. Kathryn didn’t know whether to smile or to be angry with him.

When he returned to the main room, Kathryn was still pondering the two options. Happy for the distraction, she looked up at him expectantly.

“We have ten minutes to get there,” he informed her.

“Can you take her from me, Chakotay? For a child this small your daughter is pretty heavy already, and I really need to go to the bathroom.” Kathryn whispered, gesturing to the infant.

Carefully extracting her, Chakotay took the girl and cradled her against him, walking towards the replicator to recycle the bottle. He didn’t realize that Kathryn’s face had turned an ashen colour, her hand clamped against her mouth in shock.

Why had she let that slip, Kathryn scolded herself. Gladly, he seemed to have missed the comment. She forced herself to get up and disappear in the bathroom before he noticed her strange behaviour.

After she had busied herself with trying to rub some stains out of her uniform for a while, Kathryn had given up on it and opted for a new one, just as Chakotay knocked at the door. “Kathryn, we’re going to be late if you take any longer in there.”

“Will be right there,” she promised, as the door opened and she brushed past him to retrieve her fresh uniform jacket. Coming back to him, she exclaimed, “Done!”

Gesturing towards the door, Chakotay smiled, “After you, ma’am.”

@ -;– 4 –;- @

All eyes rested on the sleeping infant, when Kathryn and Chakotay entered the conference room. B’Elanna let out an enthusiastic and rather uncharacteristic squeal, before she lunged at Chakotay, touching the little fists that were clutching her father’s uniform and marvelling at the tiny face, so full of beauty.

“Tom, look at those tiny fingers,” B’Elanna gestured Tom to join them. “Brown hair, and are those tiny freckles? Perfect. Is it a girl or a boy, Chakotay?”

“A girl, B’Elanna,” he smiled.

“Do you know who her parents are yet?” Tom asked, gazing at the little one, whose eyes had just opened.

She let out a small yawn, before cuddling back into Chakotay’s chest. Her big blue orbs absorbed all the faces around her, reaching out to touch B’Elanna’s ridges.

“The Doctor is repeating his DNA analysis, only to be 100 percent certain,” Chakotay explained. “Until that one is done only the captain and the Doctor know the preliminary results.”

“I fail to understand the logic in that,” Seven stated from her seat at the conference table. By now, she and Tuvok were the only ones still sitting at the table, the others all stood crowded around Chakotay.

Kathryn herself was standing a little behind him, trying to decide when the time was come to have them concentrate back onto the more pressing issues. She stood and watched while Chakotay carefully handed the little girl over to B’Elanna.

Seven frowned, her comment lost to everyone but Tuvok, who explained it to her. “The captain needs to be as sure as possible before she confronts the parents. She should not falsely accuse them.”

Seven nodded, finally understanding.

The little girl had wandered from B’Elanna to Tom and was now resting in Harry’s arms looking at Neelix with her big blue orbs, who was making funny faces. When she reached out to take hold of Neelix’s hair, Kathryn decided it was time to break them out before things got ugly for the Talaxian. From her own experience she knew too well, that the infant had a death grip on everything she got hold of.

“Gentlemen, B’Elanna, I would like to start now. Is that possible? Chakotay, would you rescue Neelix, please?”

Chakotay smiled at her and started to work on his task immediately. The little girl who had taken an immediate liking in him, was more than glad to return to his familiar arms and let go almost at once.

After a while, everyone was finally seated. Chakotay sitting next to the captain, cradling the child in his arms, who was watching his every move, sucking happily on one of her thumbs.

“So far we have found out the following: It seems that somehow the crew’s wishes have come true. At least all of the reports we heard described the happiest day ever and a dream come true. Naomi met her father, which is only one example of all that has happened,” Kathryn explained, carrying on with different examples.

Chakotay meanwhile wasn’t paying any attention to what was being said. He had discussed all this time and again with Kathryn before, so there was no need to listen really. And the little one in his arms seemed more interesting. He started with making funny faces, trying to make her smile, which she readily did. He even got gurgling noises out of her.

Kathryn noted that one by one her senior officers stopped paying attention to the conversation, as they noticed Chakotay’s little actions. He had resorted to talking babytalk now, smiling down at his daughter. He raised her a little, tickling her with his nose, which was rewarded with a squeal of delight from her.

The silence around him, made him look up all of a sudden, and he found all eyes focussed on him. Blushing he shrugged apologetically. “Sorry, she is really captivating. I couldn’t help it.”

Kathryn smiled at him, shaking her head. The girl chose that moment to start to wail slightly, voicing her discomfort in her very own way.

Chakotay’s attention was focussed on her immediately. “What is it, honey? Are you hungry? But we fed you not even an hour ago.” Having another idea he lifted her to smell her diapers. “Yes, I think this lady needs to freshen up a little. Permission to be excused, Captain.”

“Go ahead, Commander,” Kathryn grinned broadly, completely baffled by his devotion to the little one.

When he had disappeared through the door that lead to the bathroom, B’Elanna couldn’t help but comment on his behaviour. “Who would have thought that the fearless warrior Chakotay would one day be tamed by one tiny lady. I think I have never seen him in such a mood,” she grinned broadly.

“A fascinating concept, isn’t it?” Kathryn agreed, smiling. “Shouldn’t we get back to work?” she proposed.

@-;– –;-@

Chakotay had replicated all the necessary items and was now peeling the old diapers off the infant, who was watching him intently. While he proceeded with the task at hand, he let his mind wander, not able to get one particular sentence out of his head, something Kathryn had muttered before she excused herself to the bathroom.

*For a child this small your daughter is pretty heavy already.* Those were her exact words. But that meant… Chakotay didn’t even dare to dream this possibility. Was this his daughter? It certainly would explain Kathryn’s reaction to the news. She had been shell-shocked. It would also explain her hesitancy to tell him who the parents were. It all suddenly came together. He was a father.

“Oh my god,” he exclaimed loudly, before sinking down next to his daughter, staring at her in disbelief. “I am a dad,” he whispered over and over again.

His loud exclamation could clearly be heard in the conference room, where the senior officers shared amused looks.

“Chakotay!” B’Elanna bellowed. “I could have told you that diapers smell.”

Everyone but the two more serious crewmembers snickered at that, and awaited Chakotay’s reply. This was a welcome distraction from Harry’s report on energy fluctuations.

When, after several minutes, Chakotay still hadn’t replied, Kathryn rose from her chair to check up on him, gesturing for the others to wait for a moment.

@-;– –;-@

She found him leaning against a sink, staring at their daughter in disbelief. Kathryn closed her eyes tightly. He had found out. Somehow, he had found out. He knew she was theirs.

Chakotay felt that she had joined him, and waited for her to join him on the floor. She sank down next to him, her hand immediately finding his and squeezing it in reassurance.

“I am her father, Kathryn?” he whispered.

She nodded. “I wanted to tell you, I really did, Chakotay, but I didn’t know how.”

“It’s okay. You were shocked. I think I am too. That’s why you had the Doctor repeat the DNA analysis, right?”

“Yes,” she whispered.

He raised her hand to his lips, kissing it softly. “Thank you,” he said silently.

“We should join the others again,” Kathryn reminded him.

“Go ahead. I need to redress my daughter, then I’ll rejoin the meeting, okay?” He smiled, accepting his new role with ease.

“Yes, do that.” Kathryn smiled. “Talk to you afterwards. I promise.”

“Okay, Kathryn,” he agreed, pulling her to him for a quick kiss on the lips. “Thank you.”

She rose and went out of the room, looking back at the two of them just before she reached the door.

Kathryn saw Chakotay deeply engrossed in their daughter once again, effectively redressing her, while making her squirm with laughter by making funny noises and talking to her.

@-;– –;-@

When Chakotay and his daughter rejoined the rest of the officers, Kathryn flashed him a small smile. Harry had just finished his report, concluding that the energy fluctuations they read where emanating from a formation of mountains on the northern continent.

The only option presenting itself to them was sending an away team to find the source of it all. Maybe they would find a solution, or a trace of the aliens.

She asked Tuvok to choose a team and lead it down to the planet. With that decided, she asked Seven and Harry to continue their scans, thanked everyone and dismissed them.

@-;– –;-@

After the senior staff had strolled out of the room, Kathryn turned to face Chakotay and their daughter. She had to somehow tell him the other news, the fairly important bit about her being the mother of his child.

She looked down onto the ground, not knowing how to tell him. Silence hung between them, until he lifted her chin, cupping her face with his hand. She couldn’t help but lean into his gentle touch, drawing the strength she would need for this from his loving gesture. What would she do?

Reading the turmoil in her eyes, Chakotay spoke gently, lightly stroking her lips with his thumb. Kathryn shuddered with delight, as she listened to his urging. “Please, Kathryn, don’t shut me out. What else do you need to tell me? Is it about the child? Is something wrong with her?” Chakotay’s voice was full of fear.

“No, Chakotay,” she tried to soothe him, and succeeded, as he relaxed immediately, his eyes searching hers for the truth. “It’s about her mother.”

Chakotay closed his eyes tightly. “Oh no, with all that has happened it hasn’t even occurred to me that there was one. Kathryn, tell me who it is.” When his eyes found hers again they were so full of fear, that it took her breath away.

She rested her hand on top of the one that was still cupping her face. “Chakotay, she will never take her away from you, I can tell you that for sure.”

Some of the fear immediately left him, yet his voice was still strained when he repeated his question, he hoped against hope that it was her. “Please, who is it?”

Kathryn’s eyes squeezed shut tightly, and her voice was barely there when she whispered. “It’s me.”

She knew that by now he had to be sitting there, staring at her in utter disbelief. Still, she didn’t dare to open her eyes and face him.

“Look at me, Kathryn,” he whispered. “Did you just say what I think you said?”

Kathryn nodded without opening her eyes. She just couldn’t face him. But her eyes snapped open when she felt his lips nibbling at her lower lip. He drew back after only a whisper of a kiss, and smiled at her.

“We are parents, Kathryn. I cannot believe it. You and me. When you mentioned the mother, I was scared, so very scared. I didn’t dare to hope it was you. But it’s for sure, isn’t it?” He grinned, broadly, babbling away.

“Chakotay, calm down. You’re not mad at me? For bringing you in this position?” Kathryn still wasn’t persuaded.

“Kathryn, you and me and a child. This is a dream. This is my dream.” He practically bounced off the walls with happiness. “I would lift you into my arms and spin you around, but our daughter is preventing this.” He gestured lovingly at the child in his arms, who was watching them closely. “Our daughter,” he repeated over and over again.

“Our daughter,” she agreed, relieved that he had reacted the way he did.

He got up, laying their daughter into her arms. Stepping back a little, he regarded both of them.

“What?” Kathryn asked, perplexed, looking up at him quizzically.

“This picture is so…. I don’t know. Surreal. You and our baby,” he grinned. “Better get used to it, Chakotay,” she replied.

“What are we going to do now?” He asked, concerned.

“We’re going to take it one day at a time for now. And all will hopefully work out in the end,” Kathryn smiled reassuringly, looking down at their daughter. “I think it’s time to put her to bed, don’t you think? It’s been a long exhausting day for her.”

“Well, no less exhausting than ours,” Chakotay added.

“Maybe, it’s just that we do not have the liberty to fall asleep just yet,” Kathryn sighed, getting up from her chair. “You coming, Chakotay?”

He stood, following her towards the door. Before they reached it, he pondered, “For now Naomi’s old cradle should be fine for her, but I would really like to build one from scratch.”

She turned and smiled at him. “I’ll make sure Tuvok beams plenty of wood from the planet to give you enough material.” With that she walked out of the room, Chakotay following her.

@-;– –;-@
The world slowly became visible for Tuvok as he materialised at the outer edge of the mountains. He quickly checked if the other members of the team were all accounted for, then informed Voyager that they were ready to begin their search.

Ensign Kim and Seven of Nine had provided them with an accurate map of the caves they were to investigate. Given the data he had been able to look into, those were the logical starting point in their quest.

Accompanied by B’Elanna Torres and Lt. Ayala he started to climb towards the first cave, which was situated slightly above them.

As they arrived, there seemed to be nothing unusual, since they were surrounded by pure rock. A thorough scan that lasted several tiring hours did not show anything out of the ordinary, so the team made their way to the next cave.

B’Elanna sighed frustrated. Even though there were several teams searching the caves chances were dim that they would be finding anything interesting in a long time. Maybe the whole search would be futile. It was not a job the Klingon engineer was born to do. Patience was a virtue that she wasn’t blessed with.

The hours passed slowly as they made their way from cave to cave until finally calling it a day. Another team immediately took their place to continue the search.

@-;– –;-@

“No unusual readings,” B’Elanna sighed, as she took readings of what seemed the hundredth cave that day. They had been searching for more than one day, without any success.

“Interesting,” Tuvok stated, one eyebrow raised. “Given the nature of the signal Ensign Kim extracted from the sensor readings, we should have found something by now. Not finding anything is statistically improbable. Ideas?”

“Phase. Maybe they are out of phase,” B’Elanna pondered. “I remember reading about such a situation aboard the Enterprise where that was the case.”

“Indeed,” Tuvok agreed. “But their situation can hardly be compared to ours.”

B’Elanna rolled her eyes. “Still, worth a shot.” She started to furiously type away on her tricorder, changing the settings to a random scanning of phases. Holding it still, she waited for any reaction, the curiosity once again nagging at her patience.

After endless minutes, the tricorder started beeping in ever shorter intervals. B’Elanna immediately ended the algorithm, keeping the frequency steady. Telling Tuvok how to program his tricorder, she watched his eyebrow raise in curiosity.

“Fascinating,” he uttered. “As I recall the android solved the problem using a portable subspace discriminator to build a subspace field that aligned the away team with the aliens back then.”

“Great idea,” B’Elanna grinned, rubbing her hands enthusiastically. “I would need an extremely sensitive discriminator in order to make this work. Good thing we kept Seven’s spare parts. I am pretty sure there was one among the Borg technology the Doctor was able to remove from her. I’d say we can call this off for the time being,” B’Elanna gestured for Tuvok and Ayala to follow her out of the cave. “This is going to be fun.”

As soon as they were out in the open, Tuvok called for the beam-out.

@-;– –;-@

Harry carefully eyed the concoctions Neelix had thrown together for dinner. He was pretty certain that the blue glob would do wonders for his health, as Neelix didn’t hesitate to tell him. But did that mean he actually had to swallow it? He tried desperately to talk Neelix out of it. But did not quite stand a chance against the pleading look of the Talaxian, who finally managed to convince him.

In defeat, he sighed and nodded Neelix to go ahead with it. Neelix in turn, smiled broadly, and a big pool of the blue glob landed on Harry’s dish. The Ensign even managed a polite smile and a thank you, before his eyes roamed the room for his dinner companion.

His date. She was his date. Harry had never thought it possible that he’d get the courage to ask her out. She was so beautiful, so perfect, that it seemed surreal to even consider asking her. He had known that she was not one to date a lot, and had figured that she was very picky when it came to the men she dated. He had never thought it possible to compete with the perfect men aboard, Ayala, Chakotay, only to name two good-looking guys with excellent character traits.

Still, somehow he had found the courage to ask her out during a friendly game of beach volleyball the other day. It had been one of Tom Paris’s idea to make the vacation unforgettable.

She had dived for a stray ball and landed flat on her stomach, while the ball had been rolling away from her, when Harry had rushed to her side, helping her up again. Their hands had touched, their eyes had met and he had taken a chance and asked her out.

He still marvelled at the smile she had given him. He had never before seen such a radiant one graze her face. She had grasped his hand again, guiding him away from the game. Both had ignored Tom’s remarks, as she lead him away. Together they had walked down the beach, their naked feet tickled by the waves the clear blue ocean brought ashore.

They had not spoken a word, until they found their way back to the hotel. In front of her door, she had planted a small chaste kiss on his cheek and muttered, “Tomorrow for dinner at Neelix’s,” and had slipped into her room.

He had just stood there, staring at the closed door in wonder, not knowing what had hit him.

Smiling at the memory, Harry finally spotted her at a table in a far corner, meeting his eyes and gesturing him to come over. He gladly obliged, slipping into a chair opposite of her. “What’s that?” She asked, gesturing towards the unidentifiable mass on Harry’s plate.

“Hi to you too, Cel,” he grinned. “And that, for your information, is ‘bright blue glob, a speciality from the far reaches of the Delta Quadrant’” he informed her in his best Neelix impersonation.

Snorting, she cocked her head to one site. “And you really plan to eat this?”

“No, I thought I’d find a way to get rid of it rather quickly, while living from half of whatever you have,” he stuck a fork into something that looked like a bright pink carrot.

“Gee, help yourself, Harry,” she chuckled. “What the heck happened to the nice shy Ensign I agreed to date?”

“He gets shoved aside by his dark mysterious greedy alter ego when faced with Neelix’s food,” Harry laughed. His complexion quickly changed, when he took his first bite. Desperately trying not to choke on the carrot that happened to taste like hot pepper, he grasped her glass of water and downed it as quickly as possible. “Tal Celes, are you trying to kill a fellow crewmember?” He asked after he had found his voice back.

“You know, really good Bajoran Hasparat is said to make a grown man cry. This comes really close. I like it. Neelix finally managed to do something right,” the crewman smiled sweetly.

“You’re going to be the death of me, you know that?” Harry groaned. “Promise me to never make me eat real Hasparat, please?” He begged.

“Okay, okay. But you have to say, it serves you right, trying to steal my dinner,” she scolded him.

“Sorry,” he smiled, sheepishly. “Won’t promise not to do it again, though.” He added.

“You are terrible,” she grinned, loading her fork with something that looked like pasta with mushrooms. Offering it to him, she added: “Have some of this. It should soothe that poor taste buds of yours.”

He opened his mouth, obediently, his eyes watching carefully for any sign of her trying to fool him.

@-;– –;-@

Kathryn was extremely curious by the time she reached engineering. B’Elanna had been too deep in her thoughts to give her any information as to why she was needed in engineering.

It could only mean that B’Elanna had found a solution. Maybe she and Tuvok had found a hint as to where the aliens could be found. Since Kathryn had been presented with her little daughter she had made sure that she spent more time off duty than before, after all there was a little girl that needed to be taken care of.

A little girl that was with her devoted daddy at the moment, who already did his best to spoil her rotten. She and Chakotay had naturally fallen into a pattern after she had arrived in their lives. He was practically living in her quarters by now, spending every free minute with their daughter.

Kathryn shook her head to clear it from those distracting thoughts. There was a riddle waiting to be solved and any lead B’Elanna could provide would bring them closer to a solution and before long Voyager would be on its way again. Once normality returned, she and Chakotay would have the time to have a long talk, she told herself.

She slid through the doors to engineering, finding B’Elanna crouched over an assay of Borg implants. She watched the half-Klingon scan for a moment, then stop. A shout of joy escaped her engineer’s mouth, followed by. “I knew it.”

“Knew what, B’Elanna?” Kathryn asked, more curious than ever.

“May I present you, Captain, with a subspace discriminator. I knew that Borg would come in handy one day.” B’Elanna held a small rectangular object under her captain’s eyes.

“Come again,” Kathryn uttered, not sure what B’Elanna was hinting at. “We finally found your aliens, Captain. They were there all along, just out of phase so that we couldn’t possibly see them. With this,” B’Elanna waved the object in front of Kathryn’s eyes, “With this we are going to make them visible and then you can confront them.”

Realization began to dawn on Kathryn. “So, Seven serves as our Data?”

“Exactly. But I am afraid she isn’t going to lose her head over this,” B’Elanna grinned, referring to the circumstances the Enterprise had encountered. “With this we can have our very own subspace field and get into synch with the aliens.”

“Go ahead and do it,” Kathryn smiled. “When will you be ready?”

“Give me a few hours, Captain. Have some quality time with your family, there’s not much else you can do till then.”

Not long ago, Kathryn would have been slightly peeved at a comment like that. She was the captain, there was always something to do for her. Now she only accepted it for what it was, a chance to spend more time with her family, something she had come to treasure.

@ -;– 5 –;- @

As the doors to her quarters slid shut, Kathryn smiled at the scene before her. Chakotay had fallen asleep on the sofa, his head bent at an angle that was bound to cause him a lot of pain once he woke again. Their daughter lay on his stomach clenching and unclenching her tiny fists on his fingers.

She crept closer carefully, extracting the little girl from her father’s protective embrace. He stirred instantly, reaching for the little one in his sleep. She bent down again, brushing her lips against his again to soothe him. “Go back to sleep, daddy, I’ve got her.”

He smiled in his sleep, settling for a more comfortable position. Kathryn watched for a moment longer, before heading out of the door, her daughter cradled into her arms. “What do you say, little one, we are going to visit Uncle Tom and Uncle Tuvok on the bridge.”

As they made their way through the corridors they were stopped many times by various crewmembers who fussed over the little girl, trying to make her laugh. When they had finally made it to the bridge, the girl was close to falling asleep.

“Captain,” Tuvok greeted her, eyeing the little girl.

“Tuvok,” she smiled, handing the infant to Tom who had instantly appeared by her side and offered to hold her for a while. The way he was totally engrossed with the little girl Kathryn wondered just how long it would take for him and B’Elanna to add their own little addition to Voyager’s family. She wondered for a moment if she should tease him about his lack of commitment to his duties, but then thought better of it. There was not much to do for a pilot when a ship was in orbit around a planet.

“Tuvok, what exactly happened on that planet?” She asked him, mentally preparing herself for a long report.

@-;– –;-@

As Chakotay awoke from his slumber the first thing he noticed was that his neck was killing him. The second realization made him bolt upright. His daughter was gone! He was immediately alert and wide awake.

His first reaction was panic. Running around the room, he searched for her everywhere, but she couldn’t be found. As a last straw, he contacted the one person that might have an idea to what might have happened. “Chakotay to Janeway,” he uttered.

“Janeway here,” she answered.

“Kathryn, do you have any idea where our little one disappeared? One second I fall asleep with her cradled to me, the next she is gone,” he told her not without a hint of panic in his voice.

Kathryn pointedly looked at Tom who was grinning like a Cheshire cat with the news Chakotay had just provided him with. The parentage of the little girl finally was confirmed. “Tom stole her and is allowing her to fly the ship at the moment, so just wait for the impact. I am sure she’ll do just as well as her dad does with shuttles.” “Funny, Kathryn, really funny,” Chakotay replied sternly. “Am on my way. Chakotay out.”

Kathryn met the eye of every single person on the bridge. “This doesn’t leave the room, understood? The rest of the crew doesn’t need to hear this via scuttlebutt. We will announce it once this is settled.”

She only let herself relax when everyone had nodded an affirmative. “Captain, if I may?”

Kathryn sighed, then nodded. “You and Chakotay have been practically living together since this happened. Don’t think that the crew hasn’t noticed. They are happy for you and frankly, they hope you are finally going to get it right. But they wonder whether the child is yours. I’d suggest you don’t let them wait too long, or you’ll have tricorders following you around trying to get some readings.”

“Thanks for the hint, Tom, will consider this.”

Just then, the doors to the turbolift slid open and a rather dishevelled First Officer emerged, heading right for his daughter. Seeing the look in his eyes, Tom handed her over willingly.

Just then, B’Elanna’s voice could be heard via intercom. “Torres to Janeway, I am done. We can get this riddles solved once and for all.”

Kathryn tapped her combadge. “Acknowledged. Lieutenant, please meet the away team in transporter room 3 in a five minutes.” At B’Elanna’s confirmation, Kathryn closed the channel. “Tuvok, you’ll come with me,” she ordered, shooting a glare in Chakotay’s direction. “No, mister, I have to do this. And I do not think we will be facing a threat out there and if so, I’ve got Tuvok to take care of me.”

“I just wanted to say, be careful, Kathryn,” he smiled at her worriedly.

“Liar,” Kathryn smiled at him reassuringly, before dropping a quick kiss on their daughter’s forehead. She looked up at him from that position, once again assuring him that everything would be alright.

She then tore her gaze from his and stepped into the turbolift where Tuvok was waiting for her.

@-;– –;-@

The materialized a few meters away from the cave they had left earlier. Kathryn started to stride towards it, when Tuvok held her back. Safety issues dictated that he was to go first. With a sigh, Kathryn let him lead the way, staying at his heels for the duration of the short journey into the cave.

As soon as Tuvok had made sure there was no immediate threat, the Captain and B’Elanna scanned the cave for the endings of the trionic waves, setting poles at the corners. As soon as the poles were into place they activated them.

In the middle of the circle stood B’Elanna with the device she had created around Seven’s subspace discriminator. At the Captain’s nod, she left the circle, remote activating the field from outside.

A blue field shimmered into action, and gradually a ball of pure light appeared inside. Kathryn stepped a little closer in curiosity, scanning what lay before her. The light in front of her pulsed slightly, crouching a little closer, then disappearing out of the circle.

“Pure energy, the only reading I got was of pure energy,” Kathryn mused in astonishment. “Any ideas?”

Before the others could reply, two balls of light returned to the circle, then morphed into the aliens they had come to know as Ventru. “You can switch the field off now, Captain,” the one that had presented himself as the President when they had first arrived explained.

At Kathryn’s nod, B’Elanna did just that. “I should have known better than to think that you would leave without any questions asked. Though I didn’t think you would be able to find us,” the Ventru explained.

“Another Federation Starship once found itself in a similar situation. So we eventually figured out what we were faced with and knew what to do about it.”

“I see, Captain. Now ask your questions so that you can be on your way home, soon.”

“Who are you?”

“You can call us the Ventru, we are what we want to be and we do what we want to do.”

“Why did all these things happen to our crew?”

“You deserved it. After all you went through to this point, we found that you deserved some happiness, every single one of you. So we granted you your deepest wishes,” the being explained.

“Just because you felt we deserved it?”

“Yes.”

Kathryn started to pace. “Then why didn’t you just send us home? Why grant a little child a visit from her dad and not bring her and the rest of the crew home? Why?”

“No one wished for it,” was the reply.

“You are trying to tell me that with all the crewmembers around no one wished for Voyager’s return?”

“We searched for the deepest wishes, the most heartfelt ones. No one wished for it that deeply.”

“I did,” Kathryn insisted.

“No, you did not. You wished for what you got, a child of your own and a family with Chakotay. The wish was stronger, even though you repress it constantly. Maybe that was what made it so much more powerful. Your Chakotay wished for a child as well. You see, it was perfect, so we introduced you to them.”

Kathryn blinked. “Them? What do you mean them?”

“Given time, you will see, Captain,” The Ventru stated, his tone making it clear that he wouldn’t go into detail on that particular topic.

Sighing, Kathryn asked the next question. “You are saying that you just did it. But how? Do you have some sort of device that helps you?”

“We are omnipotent. I am sure you’ve heard of the Q continuum. Same evolutionary development, just a little more recent.”

“But why not use your powers like the Q? For your own entertainment. Why help others?”

“Normally, we do not care to venture away from our planet. We stay here and when someone enters our system, we scan them. When they are friendly, we might do them a favour. If not, we stay in our hiding space and wait them out. As long as they do not settle in this system they are fine.”

“I see,” Kathryn pondered. “So my daughter will not suddenly cease to exist?”

“She will stay with you.”

“But why a three-month old baby and not just a pregnancy?” “You wished for a baby, not a pregnancy.”

“What if I’d ask you to bring us home now?” Kathryn answered. “Your path still lies in front of you captain. Bringing you home now would do you no good. You would end up in the middle of a war and would not survive long enough to see Earth again. You are fairing better here and you will come home eventually. The war will be won and the Dominion defeated. Have a good journey, Kathryn Janeway and live for once.” With that the aliens disappeared. The steady beat of the tricorder indicating their presence in the other phase also grew faint, then stopped.

Kathryn looked from Tuvok to B’Elanna. “Let’s go home, people, I think we’ve done everything possible here.”

@-;– –;-@

After the Captain had informed them that it was indeed all about dreams come true, Tom’s mind had kicked into overdrive. What could his dream have been? It certainly hadn’t been something life-altering, or even noticeable. Maybe it was all a matter of time? He did not particularly care whether or not Voyager got home anytime soon. What did he wish for?

B’Elanna. He wished for B’Elanna to never leave him. He was positive that this was his greatest dream. So if they’d spend the rest of their lives together, would that mean his dream did come true? Or would it just be because it was meant to be?

What if her most heartfelt wish was to get rid of him? Which wish would win over the other’s? How did the aliens manage such things?

He rubbed his temples with his thumbs, willing the headache away that spread through his skull. Why did it all have to be so complicated? But maybe B’Elanna wished for a perfect engineering where everything ran smoothly and where she always had solutions for everything.

He quickly dismissed the idea. In a universe like that B’Elanna would bore herself to death in a matter of hours. The less perfect things ran, the more happy she seemed.

But what was the dream that had come true for him?

@ -;– 6 –;- @
The Doctor looked up from his reading when a console beside him beeped. He immediately tossed the PADD aside and concentrated on the readings before him. The automatic scan during the transport of the away team showed an irregularity with the captain. As a result, she had not been rematerialized in the transporter room, but was waiting behind a forcefield in his sickbay.

He certainly did not look forward to facing her after all that had happened the past days. Taking his medical tricorder with him, he made his way to the captain, who looked less than pleased by the latest developments.

“Doctor, is this really necessary?” Kathryn sighed. “I am sure it was just a malfunction. There is nothing wrong with me. You can lower the forcefield.” After his stern look, she gave up, throwing her hands in the air. “Just let’s get over with this. I have a daughter to pamper and reports to write.”

“Yes, ma’am,” the Doctor smiled, gesturing towards the nearest biobed, as he himself walked easily through the barrier. “If you’d please lie down?”

Kathryn eyed the biobed warily. “Can we do that while I am standing up?”

The EMH regarded her sternly. “So that you can flee faster?”

Kathryn grinned at him in mischief. “No, forcefield, remember? Actually I thought that if I lie down I will fall asleep and you won’t be able to move me again until 12 to 16 hours of sleep.”

“I see, Captain,” the Doctor commented. “Will you please stand still for a moment, then?” As Kathryn did as she was told, the EMH started to guide the medical tricorder down her body, checking for anything unusual. As it started beeping near her stomach, he ran in over the particular spot over and over again, not trusting what he saw displayed. Muttering to himself, he changed tricorders. The second one, as well as the third and fourth, all showed the same readings, so he finally closed it, and rose to meet Janeway’s eyes.

She had an eyebrow raised in her best Tuvok impersonation, and asked the question he once again dreaded. “What’s wrong with me, Doctor?”

He would have really liked to delete his program on the spot. Twice in such a short time he had come to face such a situation. She had not erased him the first time, but what if he had just been lucky? What if she would literally have his head this time? It was not as if beheading him was no option, since B’Elanna would easily be able to reattach it again.

A tapping foot brought him back to reality. As he dropped his head, he noticed it was his Captain waiting impatiently for an answer. Her arms had found her hips and her facial expression did not exactly speak of patience.

Before she could remind him that stalling would not help his position in any way, he quickly muttered, “Seems that you might call another happy bundle your own in a few months. So far the tricorder does not show much, so I assume the intercourse has happened only about 48 hours prior, give or take a little. My readings show one zygote, the fertilization state seems to be just finished, since the oocyte and sperm nuclei have fused. In the next few days the cleavage will take part, until the blastula is formed and implanted. So I would like you to come here again in about two weeks. Then I will be able to tell whether the blastula was implanted or not. I assume, the Commander is the father…”

At her glare, he stopped.

Kathryn took a moment to gather her thoughts, then muttered, “But how would the sensors have caught something that small, something that isn’t really an anomaly,” she tried. “They did not. I did. They picked up something else. I am not sure what. Probably just a glitch in the system. Whatever it was, it isn’t there anymore. You are perfectly healthy, safe for the impending pregnancy, what really doesn’t have anything to do with being healthy or not.”

“Pregnancy?” The choked word could be heard from the door.

Great, just great, Kathryn thought by herself, looking up to see a stunned Commander in the doorway. “Come on in, Chakotay,” she smiled.

“Pregnancy?” he repeated, completely baffled.

“Not yet, but I’d like to know just what your dream was about,” Kathryn regarded him with a stern look.

Blushing, Chakotay gestured towards the listening Doctor. “I think before I go into detail we should, ehm, take this somewhere else,” he proposed.

“Agreed,” Kathryn flashed him a small smile, then turned to the Doctor. “Doc, you are basically saying that the aliens were right when they talked about introducing me to our children? They were using plural, as in more than one.” “Yes, I think that given the intervention of the aliens, the probability of the implanting happening is close to 100%,” the EMH agreed with a smug grin plastered on his face. Somehow he had the feeling that the Commander’s most inner wish had had something to do with the impregnation of his Captain.

“Am I free to go, Doctor?” Kathryn asked, eager to have a long talk with Chakotay.

“Certainly, Captain.” The EMH smiled.

“Forcefield, Doctor,” Kathryn sighed.

“Of course, Captain,” the Doctor replied and deactivated it. “Don’t forget to bring your daughter for a check-up again soon, and you’re to be here in about 2 weeks’ time, and no buts.”

“I will make sure she shows up,” Chakotay managed, looking a little ashen now that the blush had disappeared. With his hand on the small of her back, he gently guided Kathryn out of sickbay and in the direction of her quarters, where Tom Paris was eagerly waiting to be dismissed from his babysitting duties.

@-;– –;-@

As soon as the doors had closed behind Tom, Kathryn turned towards Chakotay. “Sit,” she ordered, while tip-toeing into her bedroom to check on their daughter. Tucking the blankets around her peacefully sleeping form, Kathryn dropped a kiss on the little girl’s forehead and smoothed some stray strands of hair from her face.

When she came back into the living room, she was glad to see that Chakotay had followed her order, and sat on her couch, watching her warily. “Coffee? Tea?” Kathryn asked, to delay the inevitable.

“Tea, please,” Chakotay chose.

Kathryn turned back to the replicator and waited for their order to materialize. Seconds later she was on her way back to him, a mug in each hand. He took his from her with a grateful smile and gestured for her to sit next to him.

Handing him her mug as well, Kathryn sat on one leg, facing him before retrieving her coffee again. Crooking her head to one shoulder, she regarded him for a long while, watching him sip his tea quietly.

Finally, he was tired of waiting, and turned around, mimicking her posture. “Go ahead and ask, Kathryn.”

She looked down for a moment, as if to gather her courage, before meeting his eyes. “After everything we went through with the aliens, I am pretty sure you know what my dream was. The dream that came true.”

“It would be hard not to notice, Kath,” Chakotay chuckled. “After all, she is lying in a small crib in your bedroom. Your dream was to have a child,” he added, although he knew that it wasn’t really necessary.

“Yes, my dream was to have a child of my own, a family,” Kathryn agreed. “Now, Chakotay, what was your dream?” She challenged.

He could feel the blush covering his cheeks once again. “Well,” he began. “My dream was not only to have a child with you, Kathryn,” he paused, trying to phrase what was to come. “My dream was also to make the child, so to say. To see you swollen with our child, to rub your aching feet, and to make whatever other cliché might hit you go away with some tender loving care.”

Kathryn felt her face redden as well, remembering the dream she had had the night on the planet. “You mean that… that night on the planet… was no dream?” she stammered.

Chakotay flinched. “I thought it was one of those. I really did. But since you know about it as well, and since they had never before been that vivid…” Chakotay let his voice trail off.

When she had gathered her thoughts enough to say something, she added. “You do have interesting dreams, mister.”

“As do you, Kathryn,” he smiled, watching her closely.

“As do I. Mine were more practical though,” she added with a small glare. “I, at least, managed to wish for a healthy, already born infant, sparing me the burden of pregnancy and such. I am rather fond of my coffee, Chakotay.”

Chakotay paled at the thought that suddenly crossed his mind. “You, you are going to have it, are you?” he stammered, willing her to say yes. Seeing the despair in his tone and stance, Kathryn reached over to cup his face, her fingers smoothing the stubble that had appeared since he had last had a chance to shave. “I could never ever destroy something that was a part of us, Chakotay. I should kick those aliens for taking our wishes very literally though,” she smiled. Chakotay took a deep breath of relief, before tilting his head enough to drop a small kiss into her hand. “I have to say, I like their approach,” he whispered.

“Rather drastic, isn’t it?” Kathryn pondered, dropping her hand to his arm, not wanting to lose contact just yet.

“Kind of, yes,” Chakotay agreed, smiling as he covered her hand with his, weaving their fingers together. “But nevertheless, I appreciate it. I mean, look at us. Two days ago, we were best friends, and now we’ve got one child in the room, and another one in the making and…”

“You’re not exactly sure what we are, right?” Kathryn offered, voicing her own thoughts. Chakotay looked to his side, not willing to meet her eyes. “I know what I want us to be.” He muttered.

“Tell me,” Kathryn managed, trembling with fear and anticipation. Fear of what he might say, fear that she might not be able to face him, the truth. She feared it might not be what she had in mind for them. Their future.

“I want us to be… us. Together. As command team. As best friends. As parents. As lovers. I want us to be everything we can be, Kathryn.”

@-;– –;-@

Tom was extremely nervous by the time he reached B’Elanna’s quarters. He was still wondering what she had wished for. Would she gradually become human? No, she seemed to have come to accept her Klingon heritage with his help. What could she have wished for. His hand hovered in just before the door chime and he did not know whether to move his finger to make himself known or not.

Before he had come to an decision, the doors slid open before him. B’Elanna, obviously deep in thought, ran right into the solid wall his form provided. She stopped immediately, not even watching up to him.

“Tom, I was just on my way to see you,” she muttered.

“So was I,” he answered.

“I gathered that.”

Had they ever been so very uncomfortable with each other since they had found to one another? No. He followed her into her quarters and sat on the couch, fidgeting around until she handed him a cup of coffee he could hold onto.

She sat beside him, watching him closely. “Tom, something is obviously bothering you. Tell me, please.”

“It’s ridiculous, really,” Tom began. “What is your deepest wish, B’Elanna?”

“What is yours, Tom?” She replied.

“No,” he shook his head. “You have to say it first, B’E. I asked you first.”

She looked down, then up again. “My wish is… I want you to stay.” She whispered.

A huge grin began to spread across his face. “So do I, B’E, so do I.”

“Then it’s settled,” she answered, her smile rivalling his. “I guess so. That means you will marry me, right?” Tom decided to push his luck.

“You’d better believe it,” B’Elanna answered drawing him close for a long passionate kiss.

@-;– –;-@

Kathryn crooked her head slightly, as she leant back into the couch and regarded him closely. He had laid his whole heart in the open before him. It had left him vulnerable to her, she realized. His expression grew more desperate with every passing second and she knew that she would have to answer soon. If only she knew what to say. She felt a slow smile spread over her face, as she figured what to answer. “Chakotay, that’s exactly what I want. Us. A shot at happiness and a future with you.”

His expression changed from wonder to relief to something she could not quite place. “So, what are we going to call our daughter?” He asked.

Mischief. It was mischief that had settled over his face. He was teasing her by avoiding the topic of their future for the time being. “What do you want to name her?” She answered.

He pondered the thought for a moment. “Mira,” he finally muttered. “Mira.”

“Fitting,” Kathryn agreed. “After all, she is a miracle. And she brought a miracle,” she smiled as she took her hand in his. Tugging him closer, she rested it onto her flat abdomen, lacing her fingers with his.

“Mira Janeway it is?” He asked, softly stroking her thumb with his. She nodded, then chuckled. “I certainly didn’t imagine us becoming an item quite like this.”

“You imagined this?” “Oh yes,” she admitted. “Most of the times you invited me over and the doors would open to a trail of rose petals leading to your bathroom. There would be candles everywhere. I would find the bathtub filled with warm water and bubble bath and a note to slip in and relax. You’d join me then and feed me strawberries, followed by a massage and more,” she blushed. “Afterwards you’d confess your undying love to me…” Kathryn trailed off, smiling tentatively at him.

“We could do that tomorrow,” he grinned, then grew serious, as he moved to kneel in front of her. Looking up at her, he raised their entwined fingers to his lips, kissing her hand. “I love you, you know?” “I know,” she answered, yet could not help the wide grin that spread across her face. “Love you too.”

Sitting back down beside her, he revelled in the peace that settled over him with those seemingly simple confessions. As he tugged at her hand, she went willingly into his arms, settling against him comfortably. He scooped up her legs, and lay them across his lap, managing to get her even closer that way.

With a sigh, Kathryn let her nose nuzzle into his neck, enjoying the new closeness. “Thank you,” she muttered, letting the exhaustion of the last few days catch up with her as her eyes drifted shut.

“Thank you for what?” He smiled. “For making my dreams come true,” she elaborated. “I haven’t yet. But count on a long soak in the bathtub tomorrow,” he chuckled, pulling her even closer to him.

“I can live with that,” Kathryn answered. “Can you?”

“Most certainly,” he bent down to place a light kiss onto her hair. “I think you need a bed, Kathryn. There’s no way I am going to let us sleep in this position.” He slipped one hand under her legs and couldn’t suppress a groan as he lifted himself and her from the sofa. Ignoring his protesting back, he made his way over to the bedroom.

Once he arrived at the bed, he placed her into the centre, slipping her shoes off, then kicking his own across the room.

“Shhhh,” Kathryn hushed. “Don’t wake Mira.” As Chakotay slipped into bed beside her, Kathryn immediately settled into his arms once more, sighing with content. “I really could get used to this,” she smiled.

“You’d better,” he said. “I am not going to leave you ever again, if I can help it.”

“Good,” Kathryn answered with a small yawn.

@-;– –;-@

A while later, Kathryn still wasn’t able to fall asleep. She shifted slightly, burying herself deeper into Chakotay’s warm form who tightened his hold on her in reply.

“Can’t sleep?” He whispered.

Kathryn slid up until her head was on one level with his. Resting her head onto her left head, she cupped his face with the other. “Not really. There is so much to think about. So much that is new. I doubt that I will be able to sleep anytime soon.”

“So, what are we going to do with the time?” He smiled wickedly.

“Chakotay, not that. You already got me pregnant, remember?” She answered. “And we don’t want to wake Mira.”

“I wasn’t even thinking about that,” Chakotay lied. “But how about a nice little massage to get you relaxed.”

“Tempting, but I’ve got a better idea, Chakotay,” she whispered, catching his lips in a long tender kiss.

As they broke apart again, he cradled his face with his hands. “I thought we didn’t want to wake Mira, Kathryn?” Leaning in to kiss her again before she could answer. “We… will… have… to… be… really… quiet,” Kathryn managed in between butterfly kisses, then groaned as Chakotay left her mouth and flipped them over. He then started to kiss a path down her neck, removing any item that was in the way of his destination. As his mouth finally came into contact with her abdomen, he kissed it lightly, then smiled, stroking it with his hands. “Hi there, little one. Mommy and Daddy love you already.”

Kathryn smiled at his tender words, guiding his head back towards hers in another gentle kiss, that grew in passion with every passing moment.

@-;– –;-@

Near the bed, Mira Janeway was sleeping happily in her small crib, one thumb safely embedded in her tiny mouth. The little girl was oblivious to the world around her and her parents’ activities nearby.

And inside her mother’s tummy, a zygote multiplied and multiplied, on its way to a human being, when it separated into two eggs. What their parents did not know yet was that they were now expecting twins.

Another little something the Ventru did not tell was that they never did anything halfway.

@-;– –;-@

The End.

@-;– –;-@

Epilogue:

Chakotay wondered just for how long they could uphold the tradition that had began shortly after their daughter had joined them aboard Voyager, while he helped Kathryn into her bed for the night.

Once a week, the three of them would spend an evening on the holodeck, sailing across Lake George. When Mira showed the first signs of tiring they would set the anchor and retreat into the boat. Chakotay would help her into Kathryn into the hammock, which was situated above his. From week to week it became more and more difficult because of Kathryn’s ever-growing belly.

About a month ago the Doctor had confirmed, Kathryn’s suspicion about carrying twins. Until then she had managed to escape him and his tricorder claiming that she needed all the sleep she could get now that Mira stole most of it from her.

Once she was comfortably settled, he took Mira into his arms and lay down in his hammock, settling her against his chest. Instinctively, she snuggled against him, her eyes drifting close immediately.

Kathryn opened the book with their favourite fairy tales and in a soothing voice, began to read, her hand resting on her swollen belly. After a while, she handed the book down to him, and he took over, keeping his hand in hers, while their daughter was sleeping on top of him.

When the tale was finished, he carefully closed the book, resting it next to him. He stroke his daughter’s hair, revelling about the unlikeness of it all.

He still couldn’t believe he was father of a beautiful little girl, another two children on the way. Even more unlikely was the fact that their mother was resting in the hammock above him, the one and only Kathryn Janeway. She had blossomed in the past weeks. She had gained weight and her cheeks had acquired this healthy blush. She was practically glowing with happiness. Morale aboard had gone through the roof. He was proud to be at least partially responsible for that newfound happiness. Chakotay was content and unbelievably happy.

And all due to a strange species called the Ventru. Because of them, he was living his greatest dream.

Above him, Kathryn turned slightly, resting on her side. He reached up to trace the outline of her belly. The greatest dream indeed.